fear is not the boss

by | Mar 6, 2018 | a slice of life, Balance, Popular, Running a Business | 184 comments

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Confession time… The last 2-3 years have been a bit of a struggle for me.  Maybe more than a bit, if I’m completely honest.

Before you roll your eyes and wonder what on earth I could be struggling with, hear me out.  (And stick with me, because there is a happy ending.)

The struggle has been an internal one and has been fostered by fear and nurtured mostly in silence.  It crept up with such stealth that it was hard to name or put my finger on.  It was an unexplainable, literal lump in my throat that would manifest itself almost daily.  It was moments of panic that would overwhelm me at times, a sense that things would come crashing down.  It was just a matter of time.

These feelings, all circled around my business and blog and creativity, have made it harder to share with vulnerability, harder to take risks, and harder to cultivate and grow new ideas.

Now, some of you, even many of you, might be scratching your head, because things have chugged along and many new opportunities have come my way that were fully realized.  The blog posts have continued.  Products and books are on the shelves and lines are launched.

But I’m pretty good at plowing ahead and putting on a brave face, but that internal, stupid, annoying struggle has still been tagging along.

I think most of it stems from the thought that it was all just luck.  Luck and timing.  And soon the luck will run out and the time will be up.  It doesn’t matter how hard I work or what I do.  Even as I type it out, it sounds stupid!  I know it does.  But it’s there.  Most anxieties are completely irrational and aren’t grounded in reality in the slightest.

This anxiety came to a peak just a few months before we moved.  Jeff was in a full-time Master’s degree program, so he was only working part time, and that meant our monthly budget (not to mention tuition), fell on my business.  I slowly felt myself looking for a hole to crawl into.  But I couldn’t.  I couldn’t rest and I couldn’t be risky and I couldn’t make a wrong step.  I had to hold my breath and hope that it wasn’t really all hinged on luck and timing.

As an aside, have you ever tried to be creative or enthusiastic when all you want to do is crawl into a hole?  It’s a hard slog.  Things that should bring joy, don’t.  And you want to kick yourself for being so self-pitying when there are people in the world with real problems.  But the lump in my throat is real to me and turns my thoughts inward.

I struggled on, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel.  With his degree almost finished (he graduates in May), Jeff got a full time job.  We moved.  I simplified the business.  Everything would now be alright.

Well, the good news is that the lump in my throat hasn’t returned.  That physical manifestation of my stress has left me alone for months.  I also tripped into oil painting and it’s been revitalizing.  It’s fresh, cold water on a parched day.  There was a reprieve from the struggle.

 

But it’s still been lurking and I’ve known that dealing with it head on was long overdue.

 In a creative chat I did with my friend, Shaunna West on Instagram Live (we’ll be doing more if you missed it), while on the subject of fear of failure, I shared that I had more of a fear of success.  I’ve thought about that statement during my creative retreat and I realized it’s only half true.  I’m not afraid of success, but sustaining my success.

You see, for the first few years of my business, there was nowhere to go but up.  Every graph I looked at… profit and loss, analytics, opportunities, page clicks, social media followers, sales, etc. were all on an upward trend.  But then, as the blog world has changed, as the paint world has changed, and as I’ve become more concerned with protecting what’s been built instead of hurling myself joyfully into new things, I’ve experienced plateaus and even dips.  Last year was my most profitable year ever, but it still felt like I was failing, because all of the numbers and statistics weren’t at an all-time high and I had a hard time even acknowledging that I might have something to do with the success. Even after all of the years of consistent growth and opportunity, it still felt like I was probably just in the right place at the right time and I would shrug my shoulders at what my business would look like next year.  I was acting like a passenger.

It’s made me shy away from goals and dreams and new ideas.  The fear of sustaining success forced me into a holding pattern and I felt alone there.  I felt like I couldn’t write it down or share it.  I could only whisper it to those nearest to me.  If it got out, confidence in my brand would be shaken.  I would sound like a total brat.  No one would want to hire me as a designer or writer.  No one would want to invest in my paint line or products.

Fear is always isolating until it’s named and exposed for the stupid thing that it is.

This creative retreat has helped me in so many ways.  It’s going to take weeks to fully digest it and even longer to unpack it all to share here on the blog.  But one of the themes that kept wrapping around me like a warm blanket, like a friend offering me a piece of dark chocolate and her attentive ear, was this… Feeling like this is normal for creative entrepreneurs.  Heck, feeling like this is normal for humans.

Being bombarded with doubt, fear, questions, feelings of inadequacy are all completely normal.  The problem is, I was actually listening to some of them, taking them to heart, and I was making decisions based on those negative feelings.  I was allowing them to permeate my lists of goals, my plans, and my dreams.  I was giving them the reigns for the future.  I was permitting them to sap joy from my successes and enthusiasm from my ventures.

I was definitely getting stuck inside my own head and taking it all way too seriously.  I also wasn’t intentionally taking time to nurture my own creativity, feed my entrepreneurial soul, and just get a good night sleep and some exercise!  If I had taken that time, it probably wouldn’t have gone on as long as it did.  Instead, I just worked longer and harder and exacerbated the burnout and fed the stress.

I know this isn’t going to be an instant turnaround.  I know I have bad habits to break and healthy habits to start.  I know it’s going to take time to implement all that I’ve learned and to retrain myself.  But, I have lists, plans, schedules, and optimism that aren’t subject to fear.  I feel a renewed excitement and enthusiasm for my business, brand, and blog.  I’m moving forward with an inquisitive spirit and hope.

So, why share this?  I have second-guessed just about every word.  But I’m now convinced that it’s important to share.  First of all, it’s cathartic for me.  Even if no one else cares, it’s hit the light of day and there is a freedom in that.

Second, I believe that there is power in testimony.  When someone shares their story, even the parts that are difficult, it can be an encouragement and comfort to others.  One of the best things about the books and podcasts I listened to was hearing stories that were not dissimilar from my own.  Some of them spoke words that, I’m convinced, were just for me.  And I feel like I need to pass that on.

Lastly, I needed a declared turning point; a stake in the ground that I can point back to that says this is why I’ve made the personal and professional changes I’ve made.  Yes, this blog is written for my readers and my business works because I have customers and clients, but I’ve been assuming too much about what everyone wants and doesn’t want from me and those self-imposed assumptions have been burdensome.  I have a whole well of things I haven’t shared, because my fear of the opinion of others has been a tyrannical gatekeeper.

So, now I’m going to take a deep breath and race past that gatekeeper.  I might even do it holding fist-fulls of colorful streamers while singing loudly just to make it clear that I’m not afraid of being caught.  Fear’s not the boss.

I am.

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    184 Comments

    1. Debbie wilson

      As a long time reader, I have this to say…Those words are powerful and they really spoke to me this morning. Thanks for sharing…best wishes onward!

    2. Leasa

      Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV)
      11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 🙂

      You got this!

      • Angela

        Amen! This is what we can believe in! The true word of God.

      • Jan Fusco

        I was thinking exactly what Leasa posted. Jeremiah 29:11
        God will take care.
        Thank you for your post.

    3. Karen

      Thanks for sharing your heart – I needed this! And I just heard a Zach Williams song called Fear is a Liar. Sending lots of Love!

    4. Lisa

      Wow! You have just reached into my soul and pulled out every feeling I’ve tried to keep buried inside myself. for a long time, I was holding it together pretty well (or so I thought) . I was so focused on taking care of others, taking others problems on, that I lost myself and everything that gave me joy went dark. Like you, I lived in fear that any misstep or wrong move would send my life spiralling out of control. I couldn’t confide in anyone, that would let them know that I was weak and vulnerable…not the strong rock they depended on. After an epic breakdown (over a hole made in my carpet by our pup of all things) I let go. I let my sweet husband sweep in and take care of life so that I could start taking care of me. Thank you. Thank you. I feel less alone after reading your timely and thoughtful post.

      • Gwen Goodin

        This sounds just like me. I hope we all take Marian’s words to heart and give ourselves a break.

    5. Megan

      Yay you! Testimony is powerful–you just gave so many people “permission” to feel those same things and not feel alone.
      I’ve recently dove into learning about the Enneagram and have found it so helpful–and with your Christian background I think it would be right up your alley!
      The book I started with is The Road Back to You–there is an associated podcast and the first episode gives a good explanation.

    6. Adrienne

      Thank you so much for sharing this and for being vulnerable and open from your heart. As I read I couldn’t help but think of something my dear, little mother who is now with the Lord often reminded me of. The prophet Samuel spoke to the Israelite people after battle. He set up a stone and called it Ebenezer (the stone of help). His declaration was, “Till now the Lord has helped us.” From that point on the enemy never stepped foot on their land. This, my friend, is your Ebenezer. The enemy of fear has been exposed and the best is yet to come!
      ~Adrienne~

    7. Monica

      Marian, thank you for sharing your heart in this post. It’s exactly what I needed.

      The other day I commented on your post about planning a creative retreat and this is what I said in part…”All I’ve ever done is work and be wife, mom, divorced, and now empty nester, so the luxury of “dreaming” about what I want to do is pretty foreign to me.”

      Reading your post today made me realize it’s not that I don’t know how to dream, I’ve been afraid to. For the past 9 years stood still and let life happen to me because of fear and insecurity; fear of making decisions, fear of failure, fear of success, comparing of my skill level to others who are already successful in similar pursuits. Thank you for sharing your heart today and every day. Today I will stop being afraid and start putting one foot in front of the other toward my own dreams.

    8. Amy

      Thank you for sharing! I set out on a creative endeavor six years ago and find your business, your blog…you…so inspirational. I was dominated by fear at first, but have been slowly conquering it. It helps to know that you struggle with this too!

    9. Barbara Taylor

      Powerful!! Thank you for sharing this…I’m sure it was somewhat hard to do. I am convinced that your sharing your heart with us, your readers, will impact many in ways you may never know. Your courage in doing so speaks volumes.

    10. Bonnie Auld

      Thank you so much for sharing this! This lesson…these thoughts…can be freeing for anyone. In every situation, every season of life, every endeavor, every place you find yourself, staring fear in the face and marching through and past to that new place is very liberating. But, so often, it’s the admitting of ‘fear’ that is the first step. So glad that you were able to get away to the beach…one of the most refreshing places in the world!!

    11. Mary in VA

      Oh girl, I know this feeling and so I know you have been suffering with this. God love you, you ARE extremely talented, you ARE so smart ( I need to read my camera manual to learn how to use the dumb thing, but then I know I won’t understand it so I put it away, and then I wish I was smart like you 😉 You’ve had a ton of stress on you and don’t forget they say a move is one of life’s most stressful events – let alone moving so far into a whole new environment. As I’ve told you before, I love every single thing you do, so hush that negative voice inside your head, give praise to the Lord for what He’s done in your life when that voice starts, and GET GOING!!! Love you girl.

    12. Gail

      Marian, with your dramatic skills and your creative writing , I bet you could do a Ted talk on this very subject. You have a unique perspective as a blogger that can inspire, and that’s what Ted talks do.

    13. Melissa Millard

      Marian, I am a very long time follower who has never commented until now. I loved you and your blog back when you were showing us how to use Rustoleum “Heirloom White” spray paint on furniture!

      Your courage was part of what inspired me to open a small business in my small town. Your enthusiasm always spoke to my own enthusiasm; your faith reminded me of the importance of sharing my own.

      But the first thing I thought about you, and love about you still, is your generosity. In those early days not every blogger showed how they did things and all their products and tricks. Not everyone was willingly to show failures as well as successes. And today I appreciate that you are generous enough to share your heart as you trust and move forward. I don’t read Miss Mustard Seed just for information. I read because you are genuine; that is why I be this post is important for you. And for us. Thank you!

    14. Melissa Millard

      “Why I believe!” ?

    15. Kelle

      Thank you so much – just what I needed to hear today. I think a lot of us get in the guts of our adulthood and feel like we had so much potential, but just haven’t gotten “there” – creatively, emotionally, financially. Most of us were raised not to whine and a lot of our anxiety and malaise does feel like first world problems – so we stay quiet. Also, it’s tough to sell yourself and your business if you don’t project total happiness and confidence all the time. You are right – testimony does matter. Thank you for speaking the truth. And I always look forward to your next foray – truly one of your gifts is moving in different directions organically.
      Enjoy the sunshine – I’m sure that helps!! Getting ready to battle the second Nor’easter in 5 days, so trying to keep my eyes on the horizon and will Spring to come.

    16. Donna

      Thank you for sharing such a personal struggle. I know that struggle. Fear that clenches your heart at times. For me it is a fear of losing the ones I love. Having lost my Mom six years ago when she was just 60 and nearly losing my Dad after a series of devastating strokes two years ago, it has been hard to put on a brave face and “carry on”. On the outside I look like I have drive and control, but inside I feel quivery and worried. I suppose we all do at times. I have found though that if we do “carry on” eventually THAT becomes our second nature- to pick up and smile and do what needs to be done. Today is the two year anniversary of my Dad’s major stoke and we are okay. Fear has not won. My Dad is the joy of my life and he is brave. Bravery has a way of catching. I feel less alone when I realize that everyone has these struggles at times even when they seem to “have it all together”. ♥

    17. Lyndsey

      Thank you for these words. I look forward to what you will WANT to share with us. And, while I am certain I will love it all, the peace you will feel from that authenticity will be more sustainable than what you have been experiencing.

    18. celestial

      Dear Marian,

      What you are experiencing is unfortunately all too common for women; we have been taught to heal, help, nurture, create, nourish, plant, love…but not how to succeed. It is no wonder it feels foreign and odd, it isn’t often addressed by women as it is by men. What has always helped me is the thought that there are two major paths in life; fear and boredom. Taking new paths (China, moving to Minnesota), exploring new mediums (oils) , running a business; all of these are new and out of your comfort zone and that always means fear. Staying with the known, not risking failure, doing what you have always done will protect you from fear, but you will also grow bored. You have to decide which is more comfortable for you, fear or boredom.

      If you find yourself losing (or needing more) sleep, becoming more irritable, feeling constantly on edge and/or losing interest in what you used to enjoy, please consider visiting your doctor for information about depression and/or anxiety. While fear can be an excellent motivator it can also be debilitating if in excess.

      Thanks to you, I have tried slipcovers and watercolors. You have more power, influence, and ability to do good than you might realize. Thank you for being you. Know that that is enough.

    19. Darcy

      Hooray! Good for you. 🙂

      And just so you hear it – I so enjoy this blog for your authentic voice and content. I know blogs help support income, and that’s great – but even when you do sponsored posts I really feel like it’s genuine. And I don’t feel that way about a lot of blogs lately; so good job!

    20. Maureen

      Bless you Marian for sharing the dark place you’ve been. “Pain shared is halved and joy shared is doubled.” I’ve loved reading your adventures with furniture, moving and painting etc because I feel like I’m reading about a friend who, for me, moved too far away from my MD home.

      Years ago when I had a year or two of major unexpected change, I recall hearing one of those, to me, trite reassurances that ‘some days are diamonds and some days are pearls’. I grumpily decided that some days were just lumps of coal but hopefully with the pressure my changes entailed, maybe like real coal they too would be diamonds. They have and I learned so so very much from those difficult times. But they can suck while you’re in them! {hugs} for being brave

    21. Carol

      Wow, this was so enlightening. I feel you spoken and the unspoken that I feel all the time. I can’t wait to see what you share with us and even allow us the information to make changes in the way we move through our lives.
      Thank you and thank you, again.

    22. Diane Ruebel

      Dear MMS,

      As you’ve reminded yourself, you’ve reminded us that we are always returning to the place of witnessing, exploring, tending to our unique selves. This life long journey is a precious one in which there is no need to be somewhere other than where we are in the moment. The monastics taught us that we “always begin again.”

      With gratitude for our vulnerabilities,
      Diney on Camano Island

    23. Elizableth from CA

      I just want to give you a hug. Thank you for sharing.

    24. Carla from Kansas

      In the corporate world (which I know you were part of many moons ago) this is the imposter syndrome that plagues women. As we rise that corporate ladder we are sure someone will realize we have no idea what we are doing and will in fact colossally fail. Everyone will know we were an imposter. It is a real feeling and can suck the life out of you. So glad you have identified it, confronted it and shared it.

    25. Susan Guillebeau

      Maybe your true gift is to bring light to those in need, visually, spiritually, and professionally. Your success has been guided by a much higher power.

    26. Cherylan

      Madeline L’Engel deals with some of this in her book WALK ON WATER.
      Walk on.

    27. Jelena

      How courageous to share this!
      “…God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2Ti 1:7 (ESV)

      May the Lord bless you as you go forth!

    28. Ali

      I have FOREVER admired your work and your tenacity, but have never commented. I was in Rochester last summer with my mom for a long Mayo visit & couldn’t stop reading your blog. It is full of inspiration. Not only artistic inspiration, LIFE inspiring writing, thoughts, & you just doing Y O U. Keep up the great work. You are quietly pushing me towards setting out in a new direction & I hope you’re pretty darn proud of how inspiring you are to others. If you ever need new direction, I think you would make a great life coach. 😉 Take care, Ali

    29. Karen K from Buffalo

      I so proud of you for over coming this fear. I think we’ve all had or have parts of this fear in our lives. Some take medication for it & should never be ashamed & others can deal with it on their own. Whatever path you take, you know God has some big shoulders to lean on!! God bless!!

    30. Sharon D

      I am crying. You really got to me. I would have never guessed you were struggling. Thank you so much for sharing. I feel like you just became my best friend.

    31. Lillian

      Oh Mariann! ‘Love you! Your OPEN vulnerability! I am still sorry I ever chided you for your breakneck productivity… in my recovery from a spirt of lifetime dispair & sloth…. Truth is the father of lies attacks us ALL to defame The Father. I rejoice in your blessed productivity which also gave you respite from the lies! Creativity is a character trait of God & He calls us to partner with Hin in it. THERE IS POWER in TESTIMONY! Naming lies always dispels them & informs & comforts us – the procducers & those healing from acedia!

    32. Sherry Kurtz

      I love that you were vulnerable enough to share your inner struggles in this area. We have all been there I think in terms of fear having a choke hold, but as always, it’s what we do about it that matters. It’s the perspective we take on it so it doesn’t smother us and keep us down. You truly are THE BOSS of it!! Well done!
      P.S. The fear nag will more than likely return–just because we’re human and we can’t help ourselves, but now you know how to kick it’s a * *!! <3

      Sherry

    33. Elizabeth

      This is your most brilliant blog post yet.

      Your testimony will help thousands of readers going through similar struggles. Writing about your vulnerability does not take away from your authority as a blogger. But it does serve the important function of putting readers in touch with your humanity and courage.

      FWIW, I also struggle with feelings of inadequacy. In my case, it’s due to the verbal and physical abuse I received throughout my childhood from my mother (the poor unhappy woman). I’ll never rid myself completely of those feelings, of course, but I can continue to work on making them less important.

      Yours is the only lifestyle blog I follow. I stick with it not so much because of your wonderful creative content, but mostly because I enjoy your writer’s voice, and because I like being let into your family, if only in a limited way. I appreciate you.

    34. J Kiontz

      That fear and anxiety has a name-impostor syndrome! It’s real but it’s all in your head as you have discovered. I’m glad you have decided to move beyond it. Simply by giving it a name and know that it is shared by many will help. Good for you that you put it out there, now get moving.

    35. Carole Prisk

      I think it is normal to self doubt, and that the burden to continue to dazzle and reach peaks can become too heavy. I find myself asking ,now what?, each time I meet a goal. What if my creativity falters, what if I can’t keep keeping on? What if I just stopped trying? But I recognize that I like , maybe even love, the praise , the attention and the regard I get from driving myself. Then I feel bad for needing that and basking in approval from outside. Your life has had some major upheavals lately. Your are in a new city, state, home, and church. Your husband has made a major life change and you have been driving yourself to transform your house, master new skills and acclimate while doing everything else. It is okay to slow down, Marian. We will love you anyway.

    36. Nicole

      It is uplifting, not only to yourself for your declaration, but it is to all those who read your blog. We all struggle; I think it is ingrained in our head and hearts. How can we triumph, if we never struggle? We want so desperately to be everything, to all we hold dear. You are enough. You are more than enough!

    37. Rebecca

      So grateful for your willingness to share your feelings. Those are hard to put out there for people to stomp on, to feel tied to and to give a huge sigh that you are human too! You are a strong and brave person!!! Don’t know that I could do that!
      You took on painting 100 meadows when you weren’t sure you could do one. You moved. You are finding your place in Minnesota. And you continue to inspire all of us who share in your successes and failures.
      Please know that you have many, many friends out there in cyber space. With one click of the button, you can be in touch with any one of us. We need to be here for you when you need us.
      You are a bright and shining light.
      Thank you.

    38. Lillian

      I’m in tears at the common response we all see & feel. @ 70 I’m LEARNING to play. I’m staying with this fellowship of creativity!

    39. Amy

      Thanks for sharing your feelings Marian. I have these exact feelings as a new blogger but I try to keep plugging on. I think almost everyone has these fears and doubts and anxieties. I’ve learned to try and push the negative feelings aside and to keep plugging on and do what I love to do. And reading your message and knowing that I am not alone has given me encouragement.

    40. Lynette

      Thank you for being the courageous and generous spirit that you are. I think you’ve motivated a lot of people to to shine light on their darkness today, me being one of them. Just knowing that I’m not alone in this fear is helpful.

    41. Karen Kish

      Hello Marian,
      I read your deeply felt emotional depth of despair and it did not surprise me. I have always felt that somewhere, all was not as it seemed to be with you and that you were pushing yourself far too hard. Burnout has a way of helping you wake up and make the necessary changes that would enhance your being, not take away from it.
      I am glad that you came to this pivotal point in your life and that you are turning yourself towards a better way of living. Albeit, changes are made one day at a time and moment by moment. I speak from experience not to make judgements. Kudos for you in your new beginnings! I see many good things happening for you.

    42. hrplo

      He’s got you in His pocket! I know it’s tough (I struggle with it everyday!) but keep the faith. His promise is that He’ll come back. Even if you were the only person in the world that needed it. He would come back. Lots of love, I don’t tell you everyday but I’m thankful for the strong woman in Christ that you are in a world that is unwelcoming to what we believe.

    43. Sue

      Thank you so much for the inspirational words today. It hits home big time. You are such a fantastic writer and are able to put into words what so many of us feel.

      Every time I get that anxious feeling I look back on some excellent advice I was given. We either live in LOVE or FEAR, and I want to choose love. It’s not always easy and it seems like anxiety has a mind of it’s own. And I think we have to love ourselves enough to take care of ourselves. We’ve all heard that, but it is not so easy to put it into practice.

      I remember wanting to teach cooking classes and was afraid. Someone told me at the time—“If you know 10% more in a subject than someone else, you have something to teach them.” It turned out to be such good advice. Teaching cooking classes turned into a full-time career as a teacher and caterer in my younger years.

      When I was afraid to go to Graduate School at 43 y/o, I complained to my teenage daughter that I would be close to 50 when I got out. She said, “Mom, you’re going to turn 50 anyway. Why not be and do what you want?” So, I graduated with my Masters at the age of 46, became a Counselor, and was in a successful private practice for almost 20 years. Fear could have won, but here are two examples of how pushing through fear can be so rewarding.

      God has blessed you with the ability to help people in so many ways and today was definitely one of them!

    44. Sally

      Thank you for your honesty. I know sometimes I tend to think talented people never have a moment of doubt or fear and I’m a baby. The point is ….is to not let fear be the boss, huh? Sometimes solutions are so simple, but simple doesn’t necessarily mean easy. Fall down yesterday, stand up today. Your retreat sounds wonderful, I hope you’re feeling better…like you swallowed a big mouthful of sunshine.

    45. Carol P.

      Amen to all the comments. I am hoping we live on the same block when we get to heaven:)

    46. amy

      That last picture of you running with streamers is pure gold. Love it!

    47. Jeanne

      Beautifully said. And I totally agree. It really is all about the Fear. Thanks for sharing.

    48. Donna Doble-Brown

      As a longtime lover of all things Miss Marian . . . I am so PROUD of you! I know how tough this was to share and put out there. I have been there myself. And I also know the power that there is in the declaration of I AM.

      My hope is you continue to go GET UM and take us along! ???
      Sending you baskets of LOVE today and always darling girl.

    49. Dianne

      You are so loved precious girl!

    50. Nelle j

      Marian, I am so proud of you and your “hard won wisdom”!! Thank you for sharing it with us. I have you to thank for showing me how to slipcover chairs way back when your boys were preschoolers. I have 5 good looking chairs now that sing your praises! Thank you for all you do and for who you are! ❤️

    51. Janet

      So grateful you have shared this with your faithful fans. I look forward to reading the next installment of MMS.

    52. Holly

      Wow Marion – my bible study is in the book of Esther … just know nothing is by coincidence or luck. Its God’s providence in your life. Thank you for sharing, you helped me move past a fear I couldn’t defeat until now. ?
      Keep sharing!!!

    53. Teresa

      Thanks for sharing your story. I run a non-profit that deals with difficult issues. I read you blog everyday as part of my self care. It refreshes me and makes me smile every time. I have a little sign in my bathroom that I look at as I prepare for my day that ask “ What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” I think it helps me to stay focused on what is important!

    54. Muffi

      …..and just like that, you made a difference! Those of us that are not entrepreneurs but harbor unrealistic fears in the light of day deeply appreciate your post. It’s good to reiterate over and over “fear is not the boss” and believe me, this great grandma reader will do that every day. Thanks so much!

    55. Melissa

      So much of our life is knowing God has a plan for us everyday. For this reason, I try to stay in the present. I have faced anger when I live in the past and fear when I live in the future. There was a song called Jesus “Take The Wheel” by Carrie Underwood. I try to reflect on that each morning. I know living in the present is not easy. It is a part of my faith

    56. Natalie

      Thank you for sharing!!! Fear is real, but like your said, we can name it and render it powerless!!! ?❤️?

    57. Diane

      Hellejula! I’m passing this on to someone I know who could use it…thank you.

    58. Tricia

      Such wisdom, thank you for sharing. As I get ready to step out and start my own business, I’ve learned so much from your Instagram stories, your blog, and your integrity. It’s mainly your willingness to put things out there that aren’t perfect, like a still life, and go back to the drawing board and do it again. I’ve gained so much from watching you persevere and it’s such a joy to see the struggle turn into something amazing. I can’t wait to see what this struggle with fear produces. I can totally relate to the fear of success. Thanks again for sharing!

    59. susanc

      Years ago I started feeling like I was deep dark hole and no matter how hard I tried, I could not climb out. I felt like I had taken on too much, by myself and no one was there to help me.I had little emotional support. If truth be told, I tried to keep everything hidden, as I felt like a ” loser” did not anyone else to know. I prayed and prayed. It finally got where I felt as though” I crashed and burned”.I got through it with professional help. This person tried to help me see I wasn’t a “loser”, that I had many accomplishments.
      I love my creative side, if only for me. I raised my children to be wonderful adults. I am glad you were able to share. I had been to afraid.
      I admire you so much, I get joy from painting furniture, sewing and weaving. I enjoy helping other’s. I learned so much from you. You have helped me try new things. God Bless you always. You are amazing, your accomplishments much more then most. Stay strong, take care of yourself.

      ,

    60. Jill

      You are everything you ever wanted to be – and more. Remind yourself every morning to ENJOY the time while you are living it.

    61. Debbie Reynolds

      Fear is a powerful enemy. Bless you for making a stand!!

    62. Linda Harris

      Bravo! I can hear your motto…”Catch me if you can, Gatekeeper…”
      Best of all to you. I hope all the positive posts you are getting will be a replenishment for all the positive energy you have freely offered to me and all your readers over the years.
      Blessed are you…
      Linda

    63. judi

      thank you for sharing marian. your’e such an encouragement and this is such good timing for me as a shop owner & entrepreneur. so much to glean from in your post.
      love the last line…and as ELF would say, “singing loud for all to hear”!
      btw…you’re the ONLY blog that i still continue to subscribe to via email. with so much on FB and IG, i had to tone it down but have kept going with you! i also sell your doodle book in my store. you’re such an inspiration to so many.

    64. G.R.

      When my husband of 12 years graduated from medical school, he divorced me to marry a woman more than a full generation younger than either of us. I received nothing from our years together–we had lived abroad and not saved a dime, both being students. That same week, I lost my job. Panic set in. I got a grip, asked myself, “What do you really want?” and the answer came back: I want to own my own home. I got a better job and then a secondary one (nights and weekends), and 19 years later I had paid off a 30-year-mortgage, retiring at age 61. I am now 84, am all alone, owe no one a dime, own my own home, have defeated bilateral breast cancer, and have the confidence of a LION. I could do it all over again tomorrow, without missing a beat. What I am most proud of is having overcome the terrible fear I first felt. We are ALL afraid and are ALL stronger than we think.

      • Teresa

        G.R.
        You are quite a women! You got back on your feet and didn’t let life’s setbacks define you. Although I don’t know you for some reason your strength reminds me of my late great-aunt. She became a widow at 44. She didn’t know which way to turn but somehow made the decision to go to college at age 45. She did and got her 4 year degree and became a teacher. She taught until age 70 and used her summers to travel around the world.

    65. Jane

      Thanks for sharing Marion. You are so courageous! Now that the fear is exposed to the light, it will run for cover. Keep on keeping on. I’m rooting for you!
      Jane

    66. Maria

      As I’ve said here before, you are so inspiring and with time all the more so! You have done this over and over, this inspiring and in so many ways in so many venues! I know God led me to your blog and I’m so grateful for all you share! Makes me want to do the same! Thank you for letting your light shine!

    67. Cynthia

      Amazing post, amazing you! Your open heart is a blessing to us all!

    68. Mary from Life at Bella Terra

      Based on the fact that I had to scroll down through SEVERAL comments, should be testimony as to how much people care about you. Thank you for writing this. I know I have had many moments like that in my life and do have right now (why isn’t my beautiful historical remodel selling? Is my blog any good? Why don’t I know more about Instagram algorithms?If my house isn’t farmhouse style, will anyone love it as much as I do?) On and on…..
      Worrying about finances does terrible things to your soul…I know, having 2 children in college and one getting ready to go. But your post today reminded me of what’s important…..Thank you so much for sharing.

    69. Maggie

      Wonderful, brave, and inspirational. We are all our own worst enemies when it comes to creativity. You are awesome and will keep on achieving goals you never dreamed possible. Honesty is the key.

    70. lynne

      when you start attributing your successes to luck, i want you to read the following quote from the funeral of a detroit police officer who died in training…… the hero’s name is Darren Weathers; and this is what his brother said about him…..
      “My brother wasn’t lucky at all. You can’t be lucky when it’s your day, and you can’t be lucky when it’s destiny. You can’t be lucky when it’s God’s plan. We were the lucky ones. We were lucky to have him, we were lucky to be around him.”
      i hope this quote serves you well…. it certainly impacted me.

    71. Jody K

      (Hugs) You go Girl! Taking a mini vacation someplace sunny is how Minnesotans get through the winter. It’s good for the soul. Plan on it. And I might just try painting!

    72. Cathy Whiteway

      I needed your words today. Thank you!

    73. Barb

      Being authentic is such a brave choice!

      Your words resonated through my monitor and kept me dialed into your realism. You described so well what many of us go through as women – even those of us not Bloggers. Keep choosing bravery sister, you are made to live fearless 🙂

    74. Suzanne

      Thank you so much for sharing this! It would be so much better for all of us if we could just be honest about our feelings without the fear of being judged. I am going to share this with my 17 yr old daughter, who is bring treated for an eating disorder. The basis of ED is a feeling of unworthiness and anxiety about that. Hugs to you for your candor!!

    75. Deborah

      this post is such a blessing!

      the hebrew children built memorials to remind them of how far they had come during arduous journeys. i think that’s one of the best ideas… to plant a stake to look back on the grace-planted furrows where God-given promises will be realized. germination happens in unlit places. have faith in the Light. celebrate the bloom. carry the harvest to the hungry.

    76. Judiann

      Precious girl, you are not alone in your fear! It is universal to women I believe. We have so many responsibilities and there is so much expectation that we will fail which feeds our fear. This life is not easy, but thankfully, this world is not our home. God created us and the talents and the healthy desires we have. He is our sustainer, but still we live daily with the criticisms and anticipated failures of society. As one who has stood on the abyss of the black well of depression for 50 years, and has fallen headlong into it twice, I know that my strength is in my Lord and his ways are always perfect. He may not keep me always is perfect happiness, but He never forsakes me…He was right there it that black well with me both times and even now is holding on to me so I don’t loose my balance again. You are so wise to admit your fear and give all these lovely sisters in Christ the opportunity to wrap you in love. This has helped you and us to know we are not alone in our fears and we are not ‘less’ because of them. I think perhaps those who seem to have lived blissfully with no fears or failures have missed out on the great fellowship of comforting friends. None of us always makes the right decision or avoids mistakes or fails to question our decisions. Our lives are a series of trials, failures, and successes. Through them we become multi-dimensional women able to look back and see that we have traveled the road of life quite well and through our struggles have learned compassion and are able to console others. You are strong and you are loved!

    77. Sarah

      So glad to hear that you broke through!! Fear is such a nasty thing! Can’t wait to see what new things are ahead ? As I follow your blog it stretches me to think bigger!!

    78. Fran

      Thank you for writing what so many of us feel inside. Can I just say how ridiculously excited I am to see where this journey takes you?!?

    79. Joan

      HAHA!
      WAY TO GO MARIAN !!!!
      I’ll be cheering you on as you go singing loudly through that gate ( WITH STREAMERS ! LOLLLL I LOVE IT !!!!!!!!!!
      THAT is AWESOME ! YOU GO GIRL !

    80. Joni

      Thank you for your vulnerability, Marian—and you have AMAZING and wise readers. You are a fortunate woman! God bless you! Phil. 6-7

      “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

    81. Cindy

      Our Father has used your words to touch my soul. Thankyou for your authenticity and vineralbility. We need more of this in the aocial media workd of ‘perfection’ we live in today. Thanks so much and God bless!

    82. Susan

      Keeping feelings and worries bottled up never works out! I know this from my own experience, yet it is still so hard for me to face my fears. It was brave of you to write this post. Admitting we are human is liberating because EVERYONE has doubts about themselves! That being said, you have a huge asset in your readers: tap into it more! Yes, we can help buck you up on days like this but we can also help with what you said about assumptions. Ask us what we like about the blog and what we’d like to see more or less of. It may hurt if a suggestion is seen as criticism, but those of us who’ve followed for years might have something to offer you. We go through performance appraisals in the corporate world: feedback is crucial to growth. Bottom line: we want you to succeed as much as you do and we wouldn’t be here if you weren’t delivering! Go, Marian!!!

    83. Dolores

      I’m sad for you that you couldn’t really enjoy your success for the last few years or believe that you made it all happen.
      There’s something that tells me that you don’t think you are deserving of success, and that’s why you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Nonsense- you made all this happen with your creativity and hard work- and you will use those same values to successfully continue into whatever business model in in your future.
      The very best of luck to you!

    84. Karen

      Thank you so very much for sharing. I have quietly followed your blog daily for the last serval months (the first one I ever have) because for some reason I felt like you were speaking directly to me. I now know why. I purchased a house 2 years ago and in making it my “home” I stumbled upon your milk paint line (love it!) and ultimately your blog. What I thought was simply home decorating advice started feeling like something more. I, too, have felt that lump of fear overtaking many areas of my life in the last few years and the creativity of “making my home” has been therapeutic…my happy place. It has shown me things about myself that I never knew before, like I really like the act of painting regardless how the project turns out. So, thank you for your transparency, your honesty and your excitement in the way you present your gifts to the world. You are sharing your soul and that is a beautiful thing. What makes us “sing” is what God has planted in us and in sharing it with the world we are extending His Love, so fear not and march on. As Elizabeth Gilbert so boldly said to Fear in her book Big Magic, “You are allowed to have a seat and you are allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to vote…..above all else, my dear and old familiar friend you are absolutely forbidden to drive.”

    85. Kathy

      Whew! That was brilliant! Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing Marion. It was a beautiful thing to read.

    86. Krissy Butorac

      I am a professional and have been under relentless pressure so many times. I’m much older than you and have had a bit more opportunities to be tested, I mean my knowledge, skill, faith, strength, opportunities, you see where I’m going here. You will have downs and I mean some serious ones. If you can get past the fear and use those downs as a learning experience your ups will amaze you. Through the years of growing you will see things differently, do things differently, and value things differently. Don’t try to forget the downs as they will give you strength and a clear eye. Use them to your advantage. If your heart is good, you are honest, and you are willing to go with the changes of time, you will always have new opportunities to be creative and challenged.

    87. Maureen

      Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. I’d like to recommend Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. It’s a great book.

    88. Lelanie

      Thank you for this post Marian! It’s is weird that starting my blog I have the same fears, well fear… not to keep being successful but to actually be successful. This opened my eyes to the fact that fear never seems to go away even when you are successful and that is because the business and the blog means so much to each of us. I’ve been following your blog for a while and never your fear never showed, in fact, you are a major inspiration to me. I really liked what Krissy Burtaroc said. Again something to take to heart. There is a place in the sun for all of us. Thank you for sharing so much!

    89. Kimberly

      Marian, this is a powerful post. Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share your truth, it speaks to a lot of women as OUR truth in the universal sense. Depression and anxiety are often based in fear and anger, believe it or not, and often our bodies react to those things before our minds even wrap themselves around the feelings to acknowledge them. Pain in the throat of any kind, if not medical-based in nature, is often a manifestation of fear of speaking out or of giving voice to negative feelings. So yes, talking about or giving testimony to the negative stuff is freeing and often like a pressure-release valve. Keep talking about it! Keeping a journal is also a good thing to do, it gets the “junk” out of our brains and stashed on to paper so hopefully we’re not spending so much time ruminating about it. And of course, posting on your blog is akin to journaling, not to mention that your public testimony is therapeutic for you, and your readers, too!

    90. Lyzz

      Marian, you are so dear to share this with us. How many women read this and breathed a deep reassurance that they are not alone. And they’re not crazy. Thank you so much for your shared testimony. You’ve probably no idea how how any hearts you’ve salved, how many spirits you’ve nourished.
      I don’t know how to say this next part, but I’ll try. Marian, I don’t read your blog or buy your books for any other reason other than to spend time with you. It’s not timing or luck or paint. It’s you. And you are enough. So gather you streamers and run. You deserve this. ?

    91. MaryLisa Noyes

      Wow what a great post! Years ago I suffered from full blown panic attacks and once I realized the fear was caused by me they have not returned. Thanks for sharing your honesty….

    92. Cynthia, previously from MN

      Dear Marian,
      Thank you for sharing your heart. I’ve commented on the fury in which you and your family moved, and the pace at which you settled into your new home in “My Minnesota.” Your creativity appeared to take on new heights as often happens in the midst of inner despair. Almost every great love song has struggle at it’s roots. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes~

      “In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
      And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”
      ― Albert Camus

      You are brave and strong and loving. May you always have enough~

      Fondly,
      Cynthia (now from Colorado)

    93. Cynthia

      Dear Marian,
      Thank you for sharing your heart. I’ve commented on the fury in which you and your family moved, and the pace at which you settled into your new home in “My Minnesota.” Your creativity appeared to take on new heights as often happens in the midst of inner despair. Almost every great love song has struggle at it’s roots. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes~

      “In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
      And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”
      ― Albert Camus

      You are brave and strong and loving. May you always have enough~

      Fondly,
      Cynthia (now from Colorado)

    94. Val

      Hi Marion,

      I think your experience resonates with so many of us women–I know it did for me. We go through times in our lives where we question everything and wonder how we’ll get through the dark times. Sometimes it’s working through tears, doubts and fears. And other times it’s just us taking ourselves by the seat of our pants and making ourselves move forward. But with faith and prayer we don’t have to do it alone. And I firmly believe that we all help each other–so thank you for your help to so many as you have shared today. I so related to your struggle as I wonder what’s next for me as I deal with the loss of both my parents and how to move forward and supporting my family living in a very expensive area of the country. Taking time for creative moments and those things that are important to us helps. As someone I admire has said, “doubt your doubts.” Sometimes that’s helpful for me to remember. Good luck and I’m glad you opened your heart today and feel like you’ve turned the corner.

    95. Jackie

      BRAVO!! BRAVO!! Grace wins! Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts….we all benefit from your courage and honesty.

      Looking forward to the joy!

    96. Ronda Zalenski

      WOW! I don’t have a blog, a business (yet :)) , or know what direction I want to go, but I do know fear!
      Divorced and facing a future without a partner I have many fears about what lay ahead. For so long I thought I knew what was in store for me, now there is a lot of uncertainty and while much of it is daunting, there is also hope and optimism.
      Fear has been my biggest hurdle. It is so stifling. It has immobilized me and controlled me. I suppose awareness is the first step.
      Reading what you’ve written has not only resonated with me but it has put a different perspective on what I allow to cripple me. “Fear is not the boss….I am!” This is going to be my mantra!
      I am so happy to have found your blog a few years back. I am grateful to you. Your creativity and ability to share your vulnerability is soooo inspiring! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! ❤️

    97. Karin

      You are not alone. I think a lot of us live in this space – fear of success, fear of sustaining it and fear that, in the end, it will not be enough. Let’s support each other and love ourselves.

    98. Diane

      Here’s the deal. Even if you closed down Miss Mustard Seed TODAY, everything you’ve done would be a monumental success! Treat yourself with some kindness…………allow yourself to define accomplishments by your OWN measure, not anyone else’s.

    99. Shelly

      Dearest Marion you are not alone. These feelings of fear and inadequacy come to all of us from time to time.
      I think the adversary works hard on righteous women to put them down. Our power of influence is so strong when we let our lights shine. And yours has shone so brightly. Even when you were struggling. Thank you for sharing. You will be in my prayers.
      I’d like to share with you a quote that is near to my heart right now.
      “As we make CHRIST the CENTER OF OUR LIVES, our FEARS will be replaced by the COURAGE of our CONVICTIONS.” ~President Thomas S. Monson
      This has given me great courage to push through, and to remember that we are all choice daughters of our Heavenly Father. We are all unique and special and have the power to lead others with our testimonies.
      Marion you have been an inspiration to so many. I love your style, your sweet spirit, and your light. You are so loved. Keep moving forward. You have the chance to empower and encourage other women through your blog. God bless.
      Shelly
      The Prairie Chick and a fellow Minnesotan, but most importantly a Daughter of God

    100. Linda

      Thank you for sharing your deepest feelings with us Marian. As human beings, we all have feelings of inadequacies but most don’t allow others to know about them. I’ve always had a fear of success, which is why I only ended up completing my Associates Degree in college because I felt that if I went for my bachelors degree, too much might be expected of me and what if I couldn’t handle it. We all look at the incredible talents that you have and all that you’ve been able to attain professionally, but we don’t see the inner struggles that you face in trying to maintain all that you’ve done. You are truly an inspiration to so many people here in this community, and by sharing your struggles, it helps us to connect to you even more.

    101. Kelly

      Marian, I’m happy that you have called out your fear! By struggling with my own fear, I know that it robs us of so much joy that should be ours in this one life we have. I hope you find much new joy moving forward.

    102. Kelly

      Thank you and love you! That is all. 🙂

      • Robin

        This is what I was thinking, almost verbatim. I’ll just add some hugs.

    103. Andi

      Wow- that is a very powerful statement! Good for you, naming the cause of your hold back-
      You have so many gifts, and one important one is being able to convey your feelings on the page.

      Carry on, can’t wait to see what’s next!

    104. Darlene Arnold

      Thank you for sharing. I believe we live in a world today, with such much social media, that everyone thinks everyone else’s lives are perfect and grand. People portray their lives to be that way on social media. It is refreshing to hear you share that yours is not. No one has a perfect life and we will not until we get to heaven. People need to hear this from other people, or they will feel inadequate. Thank you for being real. We are all here to help each other. Just remember, the Lord says over and over in His Word, DO NOT FEAR!

    105. Vickie White

      Could I admire you more? Possibly, but I don’t see how. Powerful, compassionate, generous and creative. My favorite things in a person, all wrapped up in one.

      Hugs from Texas,

    106. Linda

      Thank you…Marian

    107. Alissa

      I needed to read this today. Thank you.

    108. Peg

      You will most likely never know the difference you have made in someone’s life by writing this post. This is just one of the reasons I love reading your blog! God bless you for writing candidly about an issue that a lot of women experience. I know I have.

    109. Lynne

      I can absolutely, 100% agree with everything you have said! When I worked in ministry, we creative types would get together and share how our gift is a blessing, but also a curse in many ways! There is something about how we are wired that mires us in the need for others to love what we do ( because it’s such a direct reflection of who we are), fear of being really good at it (because what happens on a day we are not good at it?) and having to be “on” all the time ( even though our creative minds desperately need that off time ) Also, what can be the overwhelming constant activity of our brains! While it may seem really awesome that we work this way, it’s not always a good thing to walk into someone home and immediately rearrange the furniture in our thoughts. To have difficulty focusing on a conversation because you are imagining what that wall would look like as a different color. To go to bed with ten creative ideas, dream ten more in your sleep and wake up thinking of even more!

      I get it. We get it. And I don’t know what the magic pill is. I call out to God so many times , thankful that He has created me this way ( He is the ultimate creative mind) but asking Him to show me how to channel it all!

      • Mj

        Lynne, I love every word written! Your words are my thoughts! I get it now! Thank you!

      • Annette

        YES, YES, YES!!!! As you said…..sometimes it’s difficult to “turn it off” …..relax!!! Being a creative individual is a blessing and a curse. And you DO constantly seek “that approval”. This may sound silly, but after I went through menopause (…and retired from public education) attitudes changed quite a bit….I have learned to do what makes me happy, when where, and on my terms. I’m no longer feeling like a “artistic production robot”.

    110. Emily

      There’s a phrase for that feeling- it’s called “imposter syndrome”. Something I personally struggle with regularly in my career and that, in my experience, is particularly profound for women.

    111. Amberlamoine

      I rarely comment on posts, but this resonated with me, and I’m sure so many others as well. I am attracted to the “human” behind every story or success. Success of course is defined only by ourselves. I am so glad to see you naming your fears, even if you totally haven’t figured it all out yet. Such is life. Such to be a human. Bless you and keep trucking. The journey is the lesson and I’m glad you are paying close attention to that voice within you. I admire that, as I do the same.

      Amber

    112. Chick Voice

      About three years ago I was unexpectedly let go (without reason) from a position running a company for 17 years. I was 55 years old. Though I was employed within a few months, in an industry I had been missing for a long time————-three years later I’m still plagued with fear that I will be sacked again. That fear is debilitating some days. And I’ve never lacked confidence in my abilities before. I too, often feel like giving up and therefore don’t bring the great energy and creativity to this new position. It’s a vicious circle. Thanks for sharing this Marion. Knowing we are not alone in our struggles is helpful. I’ve asked God to work a miracle in me and help me overcome the fear of failure. May God continue to bless you.

    113. Kat

      I believe it would be cathartic to paint the downstairs cabinets 🙂

      And, you sound pretty normal to me!

    114. Marilee

      Every. Word. A. Gem.
      Thank you.

    115. Karen

      Thank you again and I have to say you surprised me again ! X0X ❤️❤️❤️

    116. Karen

      Dance like there’s nobody watching, Marion! thanks for sharing. blessings to you and your family.

    117. Traer

      Aw, Marian, anxiety and fear are two tools satan uses against us. But I have realized through much prayer and God’s gentle hand that, I am not, in fact in control of ANYTHING! That we all have to lay everything at his feet regardless of how big or small. And when I, we, begin to think I am the boss is exactly when everything comes crashing down again. Prayers for guidance, encouragement, and joy in your heart friend!! God has given you many wonderful talents and I know you will use them to the fullest!

    118. Kathy

      You never cease to amaze me! You are an inspiration to us all.

    119. Cheryl Britton

      Wow. Can I just start by saying this is one of the best articles/blogs I’ve ever read in my life. Spot on! You are an excellent communicator! There is so much to say but I can tell you “you are an excellent communicator along with your creative talents!” What a combination! You have given me many things to think about and have communicated things I have felt but in a way that is so over the top! I can’t justify in words how well this article has been written in my opinion! I never reply to blogs/articles so this is hugh! Carry on with you bad self:) Cheryl

    120. Kathleen

      Thank you for letting us see behind the “veil” and sharing the inner struggles that I think we all share, or have at times, I know that I have felt the same way. I love your insight, real-ness, your artistry and creativity! Thank you a thousand times!

    121. Judy

      Marian, I met you a couple of years ago in Rochester, NH. You were so kind and down to earth, taking time for us there to talk. Then I saw your presentation, if I wasn’t already impressed with you enough, experiencing that really sealed the deal. You are the reason for the success, with one exception and that is the Lord who has given you the gifts and natural talent you have ( and I know you already know that) You are so genuine and give your best, it is so evident. No matter what tomorrow brings, you will always be a success just being you! Thank you for sharing and big hugs to you!

    122. Kathy K

      Oh Marion, dear one. You are the keeper of all things God has entrusted you. You WERE in the right place at the right time because of HIS hand and HIS heart and you were FAITHFUL to the tasks he set before you. The sustainer is not you, but HIM. Read that out loud.

      I can say this to you because I could have written what you wrote here today. I, too, have had immeasurable success and kept thinking it could be taken away tomorrow and perhaps it was just such a fluke. Instead I was reminded that all good things come from HIM. And that he holds ME in His hand. I had to come to a place that said to Him, Lord, if you take it all away tomorrow, I’d be ok because Blessed be Your name. The Lord gives. The Lord takes away. And I thanked Him and relaxed in His goodness and blessings in my life – today.

      Manna is given each day – just as we need it. We can’t store it up. Instead, we trust God who loves us so. Because our lives are in His hands.

      Say good-bye to the enemy who whispers fear in your ear.

      • Marian

        Kathy,
        I know these words were for MissMustard Seed, but you have deeply touched another Marian. I have been pounding away at a huge, multifaceted project for the last 4 years and I am weary and frustrated and terrified I will never finish. But your words “you were faithful to the tasks he set before you” gave me such enormous strength and peace, because I have been faithful. I had not thought of it like that. Thank you!
        The Other Marian

        • Kathy K

          Chin up, dear Other Marian. Shoulders back. Deep breath. Look upward.
          I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
          From where shall my help come?
          My help comes from the Lord,
          Who made heaven and earth.
          He will not allow your foot to slip;
          He who keeps you will not slumber. – Ps 121: 1……

    123. Gillian

      “You might be surprised but many of us struggle with uncertainty, regrets, paralyzing anxiety, stress and doubts. When I found your website and milk paint and something I could do that my inner critic could not sabotage, I felt like I was home. The milk paint turned out to be so much more than all of that. I am a published writer who has been trying forever to improve, publish, make a name, write the next great Canadian Novel, but it hasn’t happened…YET. Your story and your success has hit a sweet spot within me. I don’t know if this helps, but I don’t think I have ever “known” of anyone who works as hard as you do. I love your stories, your books, your photos, your website…You make me laugh and feel secure about my own efforts. When I have my doubts about my own abilities, efforts, memories impaired or troublesome; I might feel the strain…but going to your website is a place where I can feel safe, inspired, creative and blessed. Carry on and know your story has touched many.”

    124. Lynn Crider

      Listen to the song by Zach Williams “Fear is a Liar”

    125. Margaret

      As always, so eloquently and beautifully written, and sincere. You have a true talent for writing.

    126. Sonya

      I can’t thank you enough for sharing this. I’m getting ready to start my own business. I was so excited in the beginning but now I am overcome with fear and feel paralyzed with uncertainty. I know this fear does not come from God but sometimes the other voices crowd out that still small voice that brings peace. I’m glad to know I’m not alone and that these “lump-in-the-throat” weeks and months are more common than I ever imagined.
      Btw, I have a beautiful chair sitting here in my living room that is a direct result of your upholstery video!

    127. Barbara

      All of us can relate at some level to what you have confided to your readers and customers. Thank you for being transparent.

    128. Rebecca Turner

      I love all of the encouragement here, but especially what Karhy K was inspired to say. Marian, I think you are courageous. Putting yourself out there with a blog makes you vulnerable to criticism and takes courage in the first place…but even more so to open up and reveal your fears. We all have fears (I have struggled too) but fears are injurious and don’t come from God. He has given us love, power, and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7 KJV) I hope that you experience renewed creativity, hope and peace!

    129. Mj

      At the end I expected to see my name written!
      This is exactly how I’ve felt since the end of last year!
      I’ve just now realized that fear has no control over me!
      Being creative has two sides that sometimes don’t play nice together!
      Thanks again for sharing your story!

    130. Kim

      I absolutely loved this post–thank you for sharing it. My biggest hurdle has always been being courageous enough to just do it. I needed to hear these words!

    131. Cindy

      Soooo wow Marian… this speaks to me so much right now. Sometimes i wish i could just talk to you. I struggle with so much anxiety – but you never fail to inspire me. I’m in awe at how connected you are with the great “spirit in the sky” and how you continue to seek the fullness of who you are. So much courage and beauty there…

      Cindy

    132. Sarah

      She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25

    133. Bianca

      I, too, have had the burden of carrying the family both financially and emotionally. Everyone admired me for my strength, but as if it came more easily to me and therefore, all in a day’s work. And so it was left for me to bear. That same fear you speak of, would manifest in me, radiating from my chest and at times so intense I would go numb. Fortunately I came to find, like you, that to speak of it, made me less a prisoner to fear.

      Strength, sometimes in not a choice. It’s just something you have to do. I’ve just learned to handle fear and strength differently. We all do to some degree. And by sharing, we help each other. Thank you for your story.

    134. Wendy

      You too? I thought it was just me. Good to know there’s others out there struggling- and getting past it- as well. I think it must be common amongst us creatives. Thank you!

    135. Ann Jamieson

      Thank-you for this blog Marian. Our vulnerability to life’s everyday challenges is enough to make us feel like a big dark cloud is following us. You have juggled so much and are truly an example for many of us in finding balance. Loving yourself first, as much as I had thought was selfish is what we must do to nurture and be there for others. I am so glad you are working on these things , your blog and product line is always changing and your creativity is inspiring to others. You have helped others in more ways than you know in being transparent and honest about your struggles. ❤️

    136. Donna Pruitt

      Marian, love reading your blog and love that you are only human. You are amazing and it’s only making you a stronger person. You have so much talent and everyone know’s it. So carry on my friend only the best is yet to come from it. Loving everything you do and prayers for you.

    137. Margie

      This is just what I needed to hear! I struggle with fear but just not sure if it’s fear, success or as you stated fear of sustaining the success. Will definitely work on identifying that fear and then move forward. Thanks so much for sharing. You’re such a kind and generous person.

    138. Heather

      Thanks for sharing this! Being creative is vulnerable and sharing our struggles is vulnerable, but that’s exactly why both are so powerful! Also, I couldn’t agree more that talking about things and not keeping them hidden is absolutely necessary for freedom – whether that’s fear, shame, or any other “secret” struggle – the dark just can’t survive when exposed to the light. I know this post took courage and you probably had major vulnerability hangover after hitting the post button, so Bravo!!! Now you’re free!

    139. Cheryl

      I knew some of that created the sell before the sale actually began. I understood that. I always knew you would do so well. But fear is a heady thing and I understood that as well.

    140. Cari

      Thank you so much for writing this! You brought tears to my eyes because I have been in the same rut for years, and God is trying to tell me it is time to be me by adding this to the signs he’s been sending me! Thank you for having the courage to write this and to share it. It means so much!

    141. Kerri LaFornara

      ” You Have Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself”. I never fully understood that statement ( especially as the country was heading into WWII), but it really seems to apply to what you just so eloquently expressed. You are so very talented in so many ways. Your blog is, by far , my favorite and most anticipated post to show up in my FB feed. Its not only the projects you do that makes it so interesting. Its how you write and express your thoughts and perspective on things. You make even trivial things interesting. And comforting. And relatable. You are not just a decorator, or painter, or artist, or blogger. You are a writer. So as long as you are posting, I’m reading. Carry on.

    142. Ann

      As a Christian, I do not believe in luck. I believe God is in control of everything. You and your family are very blessed. Leave your fear at the cross and tell Satan to leave. May you have peace.

    143. Carole

      Fear can be a show stopper. I know from experience.

      Thanks for sharing your own struggles.

    144. Amy M.

      Marian, This post was a perfectly written, and something that I needed to hear. I have been researching blogs for the past few months- trying to decide if it’s really worth blogging, and what to blog about and a million other questions I’ve had about the blogging world. I haven’t done anything yet because of fear.
      Your blog has been so inspirational to me. I have been looking at your blog for the past few months- I love everything about your blog, the pictures, design, and especially the projects you are constantly working on or something your are posting about. I’ve been fascinated with the amount of work you do. You are so creative. So in a nut shell, thank you for writing the post about your fears, ups and downs. I like that you said about taking risks. Life is real and what you make out of it. Letting the fear get the better of me is only stopping my progression- I know this, I just needed to be reminded. Thank you again for sharing so much of your creativity with the world.

    145. Candice

      Loved this! Thank you, for sharing, Marian. You are not alone.

    146. Rebecca

      Marian,
      I was once asked during a job Interview what my greatest weakness was? I answered, “my insecurity.” Then I was asked what my greatness strength was? I again answered, “my insecurity.” And it’s true! I can let my fears get the best of me, but they also make me strive harder to do better and be better. God gave us our strengths and our weaknesses. And he knows they are interchangeable. It sounds as if you rearranging yours now! I wish you much love and fulfillment as you find your path. Know that you are not alone. Thank you for sharing. It can be isolating when thinking we are alone or that no one out there understands. Thank you for sharing and helping others find their way by showing how you are finding yours!?

    147. Anna Belle

      Hold everything loosely. We like to think we are in control, but that is an illusion. Enjoy today: work hard, love your family, grow your faith.

    148. Tricia

      Thank you so much for sharing. I feel the same way and to know of your struggles, especially since I consider you to be a role model for me, is enlighting and gives me hope. I have just started painting and creating. Fear (of failure) has held me back for years and I am glad to have finally started this journey.

    149. Renee Metzler

      My word for the year is breakthrough, so it is awesome to see God is breaking through our fear … False Evidence Appearing Real. Your victory is everyone’s victory because we are running this human race together.

    150. Kelly interiors

      Mariann I have followed you for many years now and have loved every post, picture and thing you have done. Congrats to you for taking the next step and bringing us all along on your journey. My husband just had a full blown aniexty attack 5 weeks ago and the struggle is real and silent. He is getting back to his old self which makes us both smile. Keep the faith and keep leaning on all of us who adore you and what you do!

    151. Sue K

      Marion, Although this is not my idea, the phrase ‘Imposter Syndrome’ comes to mind. That syndrome is fueled by fear of success…not failure. It’s much harder to put a finger /identify the fear of success, because the self-sabotage (usually manifesting itself in a very subtle manner too) just feeds into our projected outcome of it not working out. Thanks for your transparency, bravery and graciously sharing your heart with us…bless you.

    152. Darlene Champion

      I am just blown away by your testimony. It touches at the very heart of our concerns. We feed the beast called fear and give it strength when we deny our dreams. I had the biggest, scariest thing happen in my life and I learned to turn around and scream at the beast, the fear. If the worst happened and someone laughed at me (really, my worse fear?) or mocked my dream I’d still wake up and go on.
      Learning to actually challenge my fears has been my most affirming achievement. I call it my Tawanda stance. (fried green tomatoes) So moved by your blog. thanks for sharing.

    153. Deborah D

      Thank you for sharing and being real.

    154. Lisa Bunner

      Thanks for sharing. I wish you the best of luck in your push to move forward with creativity without fear.

    155. Debbie

      Sweet girl God’s this. You can see out of the darkness now. I love your sweet spirit that comes through in your words. You’re so talented and filled with grace and beauty. You will always have ups and down so but don’t the fear lead you to failure. I can tell you from living in that fear most of my life, I can take away all of your drive and spirit

    156. Cathy

      You need the T-shirt’s my friend has created for her business of helping create dreams and business for others. “Shut The Fear Up”. She speaks to this very mindset you have shared. You are wonderfully transparent and that’s what we love about you. Keep up the good work and Shut The Fear Up. As Marie Cochran would say.

    157. Judy Anaya

      There is a quote by Zig Ziglar that helps me when I want to go back to bed and pull the covers up over my head.
      FEAR has 2 meanings…’Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face everything and Rise.’ The choice is yours.

      Thank you for writing this post and for being willing to share your thoughts and expose your humanity. That is such a gift you gave of yourself and a blessing for others to hear a message like that from someone we look up to and admire.

      Everything we want is on the other side of fear, so go get ‘um Marian!!!

    158. Marian

      Kathy K,
      You kind woman! What a beautiful reply. I had forgotten the wonder you can find in looking up. The things one sees when your gaze leaves the ground. Thanks for reminding me that I stand on bedrock, that will not fail me. Blessings your way, friend,
      the Other Marian

    159. Ellen

      Marian, thank you for sharing this! I love your honesty and your resolution. I have a fledgling blog, and I love it, but gosh sometimes it’s so hard to keep pressing on. And I really resonated with your thoughts on success. I realized as I read your words that I frequently back-burner upcoming posts because in the back of my mind I think “what if this post does well and I can never do anything as good/better?” Or, “if I wait another month (or five) I’ll have so much more to add to this post, I’ll just write it then”. Fear that it’s not going to be good enough, or that’s it’s going to be too good (via luck). So thank you for sharing not just your creativity with us, but your journey and wisdom too! <3

    160. Dauphine

      What you have gone through really shows that you value more than just success. In this day and age that is not always apparent when hearing about successful people. It is not luck but talent and wanting to share that has gotten you where you are and will continue to keep you successful in whatever you do.

    161. Caren

      Thank you for your transparency! I’m studying Ephesians 6:10-20. Amazing! So helpful for understanding and battling life’s challenges.

    162. Melissa McClure Fuller

      “Fear is not the boss. I am.” Could you make a t shirt out of that? 😉
      Love that! Amen.

    163. SusanIrene B

      Thank you for writing for me. After retiring from a very successful career in design I’m struggling with anxiety that had been put on hold. As Melissa said, I’m going to make a shirt with “Fear is not the boss” to go with my “Choose Joy ” shirt.

    164. Jennifer

      Hi

      I am new to your blog, in fact, this is the first I have read & I say Hallelujah that I found it. I am not naturally creative but want to develop it as part of my self-care practice. This is such an important subject matter as it doesn’t matter what industry you work in fear can hold back your future and ruin the present. I am in the exact same place as you at this very moment and only recently put a voice to how I am feeling to a friend. I look forward to your insights and recommendations for books to read & podcasts to listen to. I haven’t read the other comments but know you have helped\insirped me. Keep up the great work.

    165. Sharon Hankins

      Oh wow. I love this post!! I can so relate. Need to book myself a retreat so badly! Thanks for your honesty and for sharing your heart – you are so right. There’s power in a testimony, and you are an encourager to many. x

    166. Sherrie

      Hi Marian,
      I have followed you since the mural days. Be the time I met you at your first Blissdom conference you were the hardest working blogger I knew. I couldn’t figure out how you had so much energy to do projects and photos and end each night with a a post.
      It was never about luck for you. Your hard work brought you every opportunity that has come your way.

      In all your fear you perservered! Congrats my friend for working so hard that the riches have come you’re way!

    167. Paula Blankenship

      Great testimony and I am sure it will be helpful to all that read it. Praying for your continued and renewed strength Mariane.

    168. Traci

      Thank you for being brave and sharing. I get every word of this. Our stories are different but our fear is the same. It is isolating. It sneaks up on you. It is time to retrain. I am also working on walking this out and relying on Jesus to do so. Thank you for sharing.

    169. Chelsea

      I am a new reader! Although I am not an entrepreneur I am a SAHM who works very part time because my family needs a little extra cash here and there, all the work having a 2 year old and a 5 month old who hates to sleep. A lot of days are filled with fear and dread. Thank you for writing this. I needed to read it today. FEAR IS NOT MY BOSS!!! I AM!

    170. Sally

      Marian,
      I am so glad you shared your reality because I have marveled at how any one human being could possibly do all that you do on any given day and survive – intact and sane – more than a week. And you have done it year after year! I would not have even lasted a week at your pace without becoming catatonic! It’s so nice to know you, too, are a mere mortal. I think you will find that you will not receive criticism, but encouragement and understanding from your clients and readers because fears and doubts of all kinds are universal. It makes you relatable! Don’t believe the lies whispered into your soul; your success has everything to do with YOU, some God-given talent, a lot of hard work, and nothing to do with luck! You’re awesome!
      Remember to take good care of yourself and take the time you need to recharge your batteries when you need to, even if it means you take a few days off from your blog from time to time. We’ll all understand and still be here when you get back!
      Blessings to you, Marian.

    171. Daryl

      You will never regret sharing these thoughts with this whole company of followers who trust you. We trust you, so now you know you can trust us. Blessings to you, Sweet One.

    172. Barbara

      Marian,
      I admire you so much. You are so talented, kind, caring and loving. I am so happy I had a year to hang out with you. And so happy to call you friend. Go get that fear. Much love to you!

    173. Jolena

      Ah, dear Marian, the Lord has provided for you every step of the way. He will not fail you. Can’t wait to watch the direction He will take you!

    174. Eileen

      It wasn’t luck! You are very talented. Thank you for sharing your story.

    175. Monica

      Go to amazon and pre-order “Fear is Not the Boss of You” by Jennifer Allwood. I’m blessed to be on the launch team and just finished reading the advance copy. Marian, it’s all about everything you just wrote, and it is AMAZING. It’s not a book about business, but how fear creeps into every part of our lives and keeps us stuck and overwhelmed.

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