One of the little tidbits I jotted down in my phone and then in my commonplace notebook (a place where I collect quotes, lyrics, words, poems, thoughts, and such) recently was this: “A clean barn has no oxen.” I am going to confess that, as a pastor’s wife, I didn’t know that little nugget of wisdom was directly from the Bible. Well, it is. It’s from Proverbs 14:4.
When I heard it, though, it resonated with me right away.
I have gone through various seasons on the neatness scale in the span of my 48 years. I was pretty messy as a young kid, and my mom would have to bribe me to organize my room instead of shoving everything under the bed and calling it clean. Somewhere along the way, though, my picky, fastidious nature came to the forefront, and I embraced the satisfaction that came with being tidy and having a place for everything. Then, I went overboard. I obsessed over vacuum marks and made a bed that was wrinkle-free and had perfectly placed pillows and stuffed animals. Everything had to be just so. This carried into my college years, which was simultaneously sad and comical. I’d be racing around our little apartment when we hosted friends, picking up trash, wiping up spills, and getting agitated that people were messing up my clean environment instead of enjoying their company. In my early 20s, if you set a drinking glass down on my coffee table for too long, it would get collected, washed, and put away in a blink.
I’m happy to report that kids pulled me out of the obsessively neat phase. I realized pretty early on that I would be miserable if I looked at my husband and two boys solely as mess makers who only made more work for me. It pushed me at times, and I didn’t always do it perfectly, but I learned to relax my standards and embrace the fact that having a perfectly neat and clean home wasn’t the greatest accomplishment in life. I didn’t need an epitaph that read, “Here lies Marian Parsons, who kept a very clean house.”
Now I’m sitting somewhere on the spectrum where I just don’t want my house to kill anyone. When discussing room expectations with my son Calvin, I put it this way: No colonies. I have tidiness and stuff thresholds for the spaces I use the most, but my perspective has decidedly shifted.
I try to keep my studio neat and organized, but I inevitably end up with reading stacks, notebook stacks, and paper stacks. There are works in progress, paintings on the drying shelf and in the drying rack, tools I just used or am about to use, and a collection of things I need to photograph, review, or write about. I often have to shimmy around tripods and make sure I don’t put a fine art print in a blob of wet paint or ink.
The Marian who vacuumed several times each week sometimes rears her head and shakes it at me.
These words from Proverbs, though, remind me that mess is proof of life. The stalls that need to be mucked and hay that needs to be replenished mean there is life in the barn, there is something valuable that needs tending. It’s a place of productivity, a place where things are happening. It’s messy, yes, but no farmer wants an empty, clean barn.
While we may want an empty, clean house for magazine or real estate photos, it’s not really where we live. We may want a clean creative workspace for the start of a new project or for a social media post, but it’s not really where we create.
My buffet of art supplies and stacks of books aren’t problems that need to be solved. They are proof of life.
16 Responses
The note I wrote beside that verse is-“Where no dinner is, the kitchen is clean!”
And we all need to eat!!!
Oooh! What a great quote: “Where no dinner is, the kitchen is clean!” Thank you.
I love that. So true.
Thanks, Marian. I needed that. I have been obsessing about the state of our home right now. I have a neat freak buried somewhere inside myself but am also a perfectionist, which makes it hard to tackle things sometimes. Your post has made me realize that my standard needs to be “good enough”! I’m so glad I found your blog a few years ago. I have and continue to learn a lot from you.
Hi, Jewels! Perfectionism is one of my worst character flaws. You’re so right that it makes me not even want to tackle things.
You’ve likely heard this quote before, but if not, here’s a quote that’s REALLY helped me over the last few years: “Perfect is the enemy of good.” It’s attributed to Voltaire.
I repeat itself to myself often, such as when I keep waiting for the perfect conditions to transplant plants (EG today, heh). Or when I need to clean a small area, but want to wait for when I have enough time to clean EVERYTHING in the perfect order.
I know you don’t show everything. Most “influencers” don’t. But even your messes look styled. I wish I had that knack, although I can relate. I’m the Martha – busy serving and cleaning up immediately rather than actually enjoying my guests. I’m loosening up some, but it’s hard seeing dishes sit out way longer than I would want.
Yeah, in fairness, these pictures aren’t really my messes. They are just pictures I grabbed for the post. I can definitely show some genuine messes if I took pictures of my house and studio at their worst.
My problem is that I feel like I have no control over so many things that are occurring that at least I can keep control over my home. I’m not sure where to store my nervousness.
I used to be a perfectionist, but I’m slowly recovering from it!! (@ age 67!!!)
bobbie
Love the comment that stacks of books and art supplies are “proof of life”. I’m using that!!!
This post was very timely for me. I’m struggling with my studio these days. I’m trying to find time to paint at least 3 to 4 times a week, but at the same time knit and sew and make some paper arts. It just all gets to be a big jumble mess. But it’s proof of life. I’ve started to get a system for the paint so that it’s “out” but put away in a sense so I can work on other things. I love that I have the space to have that and I can “shut the door” on it and walk into my living room or kitchen that, thanks mostly to my husband, it’s clean and organized. But Proof of Life is very definitely going to be my motto when the studio gets a little hectic.
This. All this. It is all going in my notebook. These are the things I struggled with when my 3 children were little… how perfect does my home need to be?, Is a perfect home more important than the kids playing creatively on the floor? Now, as a grandparent to 8 beautiful and creative children I let them create — I put out the paints, the legos, the chalk, the markers, paper, crayons and let them make things. It is a beautiful mess!
Such good food for thought! I struggle with the balance between neatly organized and all my creative materials out where I can see them. I try to keep these corralled in their own space.
I used to keep a nearly flawless house with the help of an occasional housekeeper but I’ve learned a lived in, but clean, home is more welcoming to others.
Years ago when I lived in Connecticut I had an acquaintance who got up at 5 am daily to clean her house…I thought that was a wonderful thing. I actually tried to do just that but it was impossible for me to keep that up…I just didn’t have it in me. Now, when I look back, I see how silly it all was. I ended up cleaning every Friday and that was enough for me.
Love your “Proof of Life” analogy…words to live by.
I come from a restoration family. One day, one of my siblings came home with a temper. A 500-year-old farm/barn restoration where the owners wanted mirrors behind the kitchen. Of course, it wasn’t allowed; plus, it needed to be cleaned constantly. I pointed at my mom. We had a cook, maids and a cleaner. The revelation on his face made me roar with laughter. Later, he told me he asked the owners and found out the kitchen would never be used. They always ate out and were seldom home. Can you imagine we all love to cook and don’t fuss about a clean house? We didn’t inherit that from home XD
Wow! What a great post. Didn’t know that scripture was there…wish I had known 25 years ago when raising my children! Thank you for putting things in perspective.