my perspective on letting go of things…

by | Apr 26, 2022 | a slice of life, All Things Home, Antiques | 63 comments

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As I’ve been selling a lot of pieces from my home, the question that has come up most often is, “How can you let go of these beautiful things?”  The short answer is, “It’s all a matter of perspective.”  But, that’s sort of a non-answer answer, so let me give you the long answer.

There was a time when I would’ve asked the same question if someone was selling a bunch of beautiful antique pieces that are likely one-of-a-kind.  I came from the perspective that those one-of-a-kind pieces were irreplaceable, so I could never let them go.  That perspective led me to the feeling that I had to keep everything.  Everything was precious and needed to be saved and preserved, especially things from family.

farmhouse dining room | miss mustard seed

There were two things that shifted my perspective on this.  Number one – I started going to auctions.  Auctions are exhilarating and exciting, but they are also a little sad.  The contents of someone’s home, down to the contents under the kitchen cabinet, are spread out on tables and sold to the highest bidder.  You could get a flavor of what that person loved…china, clocks, art, primitives, crystal, war memorabilia.  But, no matter how much they loved it.  No matter how many decades it took them to carefully curate that collection, it ended up spread out on tables at an auction.  It’s all just stuff and eventually, someone in your lineage won’t want it.

Happy Tuesday!  Aren’t you glad you came here today for this little pep talk?

Number two is a little bit more positive.  Over the years, I got rid of things that I loved, things that were unique, things that I swore I would never, ever sell…and I was okay with it.  There were times I shed tears, but in the end, I was fine.  In most cases, I was even happy that the things I loved were also loved by someone else.  I found joy in that and getting rid of things, whether it was giving them away or selling them, became easier and almost fun.  And I always enjoyed the hunt for something new.

dining room | miss mustard seed

These two things made me realize that I don’t need to own things my entire life.  I can own them for a season.  I can photograph them, style them, enjoy them, make them look their best, and then watch them go to the next home without regret.  Because I’ve also learned that there are always beautiful things to buy.  There are always things I find that make my heart flutter.  And I won’t have room for those things if I hold onto everything.

antique pine cabinet with ironstone | miss mustard seed

Even if we weren’t moving, this clearing out was long overdue.  There were things I’ve been holding onto since our last move and even before that.  There are things that have been in cupboards, cabinets, and drawers for too long.  And beautiful things should be displayed, used, and enjoyed.  Not stored or hoarded.

So, as I’m letting things go, I hope you’ll feel encouraged.  Stuff is just stuff, even beautiful stuff.  It’s here for our enjoyment and use, not to become something that can’t be let go when the time is right.

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    63 Comments

    1. Deb

      One of the hardest lessons I learned about holding onto stuff was that I was holding onto it because it would ensure my parents would be with me forever. How silly! My parents can be seen in my kids’ faces and hearts, in their laughter and care for others. So much more important than the random vase, don’t you think? I felt truly grown up in that moment.

      • Elizabeth

        That’s beautiful! Thanks for sharing!

      • JeanFB

        What a wonderful way of looking at things, Deb! (Literally and figuratively!) After cleaning out my mother-in-law’s house, I swore I would go home and purge a bunch of my stuff that I was holding on to for sentimental reasons in much the same way as you describe – I saw my family, my ancestors, in them. But you are so right – they live on in us and in our children. *sigh* I will try again, with your sentiment in mind!

        • Missy

          I have tried and tried to purge. I have a great deal of my mother’s and grandmother’s belongings…antiques that range from jewelry and accessories to furniture, China, silver, etc. I let go of quite a bit when I retired and moved back to the US and to a smaller home. I was used to having two homes, one in Florida and one in Europe.. I also have quite a collection of my own treasures from 31 years of living all over the world! I am trying, but I also want my kids to have a chance to take what they want when they move out on their own. Polish pottery is great for a starter set! Lots of other things from growing up overseas, too. They are slowly showing interest in the art we have collected and a few other things. I believe it is a process. I do feel close to my mother when I use her things.

      • Lorelei

        Very timely piece for me…. My children do not want any of my ‘treasures’. I have been purging recently because I doubt my grandchildren will want them, either.

    2. Laurie Poole

      What a beautful saying!

    3. Brigitte

      I’m getting ready to downsize next year and have given myself lots of time to purge. My adult daughters aren’t interested in anything that isn’t mid-century modern, but don’t want a lot of my stuff. Fortunately, there’s a consignment store near me that can’t wait to sell those items for me. Other things are being donated or given away in the neighbourhood. It’s a big job, but it’s easier the more I clean out.

    4. Sheila

      I don’t know if there is anything to do about it, but I find your blog posts almost unreadable with the many pop up ads. It’s like swatting mosquitoes on a hot humid night in Minnesota. ? I thought you might want to know. Best wishes as you establish your next home.

      • Fonda

        I use a pop-up blocker. They are readily available. I don’t see a single ad on here or on any blog.

        • SWoodard

          Please share where to find the pop up blocker you referenced. I use an iPad and have pop up blocker enabled but still see numerous ads on the site.

          • Caitlin

            I use the brave browser which automatically blocks adds and other traffic you might not want tracking your browsing

      • JeanFB

        Hi Sheila – If you are viewing this blog on a computer, you might want to try a free ad blocker to add to your browser. Google the name of your browser and free ad blocker and make sure it’s a reputable company before you install it. I have found that on my laptop (which has an ad blocker) there are way fewer pop-up ads on this site than when I view it on my phone (which is almost impossible!). Hope this helps

        • judith

          Thanks so much, Jean!

      • Terry

        I find Fewer pop ups if I read on my phone. (But not as fun)

      • Patricia

        It’s a real effort to get through all the popups!

    5. amy Mogish

      I find that (and I believe you said it well at one time)…once I get the ball rolling and get ‘rid’ of a few things I gain momentum ….and once I am in that mind-set it becomes easier and even exciting! Over the past year I have ‘cleaning’ out and organizing every nook-n-cranny….and this year I am fine tuning…..yes, gaining momentum! Joyfully!

    6. Kelly Oliver

      Beautifully said, you’ve learned this lesson at a fairly young age. It took me a whole lot longer!

    7. cabrini

      Well said. It is best to hold on to memories over things. Having too many things can be encumbering and weighty. I think lightening our load feels refreshing and helps us feel lighter. Good for you.

    8. Diane H.

      Simply put, beautifully said.

    9. Judi

      Marianne, this post came along at just the right moment for me, as like you, we’re just about to move house, and I know, having struggled to get rid of stuff last time we moved, that I really need to harden my heart and get rid of things before I move, rather than carrying them with me from one home to another! What you said about eventually, no matter how long it takes, my ‘stuff’ will ultimately end up on a table somewhere, unwanted by family or friends, really made me think. So now that I am getting older, it makes total sense to get rid of those things that I know my family won’t want, in my own way, rather than it just being taken and sold off by a house clearance company once I am gone. Thank you for putting it into perspective for me. I wish you luck with your move.

    10. Kerri LaFornara

      I just sold my house and the stress about letting things go put on me by myself and other family members was insane. Like really insane. I needed to read this today. And will read many more times as the purge will most certainly continue when we are in our new home. (We are building) Thank you. Your timing is impeccable. Good luck with your new journey and I can’t wait to see all the “new” in your next home. I know it will be fantastic.

    11. Lydia Langston

      Well said.

    12. Cheryl

      I agree Marion! We started cleaning out through the pandemic. In the process we cleared space AND met some lovely people that were happy to use what we were discarding. It was a pleasure to have that brief contact after being isolated for so long. And we’re still cleaning out?

    13. Teddee Grace

      That only works if you have the money to purchase replacements. Many people don’t.

      • Marian Parsons

        Well, certainly. If you buy new furniture, that would be hard to replace it every time you move and not lose a lot of money. I buy most of my things used, so I can pretty much break even or even make money selling them. I’m also selling a lot of things I won’t replace, but will just turn that money into something else. Moving is expensive and I do think you have to way the cost of moving something vs. its worth. We’re moving in containers and every container costs $200/month to store. Sometimes keeping something is more expensive.

    14. Sandy

      Very wise words of wisdom! In my town, we have ‘garage sales’. One of the most heartbreaking yet also inspirational things is to go through homes after the homeowner has died. It has really made me realize I don’t want to leave so much stuff for other people to go through when my time comes I. e . In Sweden they call it death cleaning. Congratulations on your new phase! Xo

    15. Betsy

      I used to have something hung on every wall, something on every tabletop……vignettes, holiday displays no matter the season. It got to the point where the things I truly loved were lost in the mix. That lasted until I helped clean out 4 family members homes and I became overwhelmed by stuff. I’ve donated, sold and tossed more than I can count. I now can see and enjoy the few things I truly cherish.

    16. Bea

      I find it very hard to let go of things so this blog was good for me to read and think about. I love shopping for my decor business and occasionally I find something that I keep. I know I have way too much for a person my age to deal with but I find it difficult to change my mind about parting with things. I do hope that your move will go well and you will find the right home for you and your family.

    17. Faerie Pabich

      Our pastor has always said he has never seen anyone on their way to the cemetery being followed by a wagon bringing their earthly treasures to go with them! That really focuses me on what it truly most important! Earthly treasures are great, but never the most important thing. Love your thoughts!

    18. Cathy

      I’m having my family house cleaned out and sold. Talk about emotions! I was able to get Moms silver ware but the silver plate tea set I let go. It’s in pretty horrible shape and I’d rather not ship it to Az from Oh only for it to end up in the thrift store anyway. This is a hard business but I feel lighter for having done it. The silverware is going to my cousin’s granddaughter by the way.

    19. Rita

      I loved this post. Where your treasure is, there will be your heart also. I’ve too have been going through things this past couple of years. Epic yard sale on the horizon. I agree it’s just stuff. Can’t take it with me, and my two boys will not want most of it. Lightening the load feels so good.

    20. Babs

      I tell my daughter (and only child) that we are practicing “Swedish Death Cleaning” so she will not be overwhelmed by our departing this mortal coil. We have been doing this for a few years and have emptied out two barns and our attic. We have collected old things for many years and have always loved the thrill of the hunt. You are right about the cost of moving so paring down just makes good sense. We live in a semi-rural area so a yard sale is not practical. We have a booth at a local antique mall and have been selling things that way. It’s taken quite a while to sell most of our unwanted items but it’s been fun. We still have a ways to go but we are headed in the right direction…and think of all the fun of find “new” pieces when the time comes!

    21. Melanie Donat

      What a wonderful attitude.

    22. Esther Rodriguez

      Your post explains everything Ive been noticing about my “stuff”. I appreciate your perspective and wise advice.

    23. Mimi

      We have gone through several stages of downsizing in the last 10 years and I always feel better after we’ve lightened the load. We nearly always find just the right person to pass our treasures along to and that makes me happy!

    24. Mayanna

      I am looking to downsize to a tiny house. Knowing this in advance, I have spent the past year donating and trashing. It is liberating. My adult kids were all here and I gifted what they wanted which is nice to know where those things are going and will be appreciated.

    25. Andrea

      I love this convo & need to hear it often! Passing along things we’ve loved really is a heart and a mind thing, as others stated. Great idea to plan to own for a season, and then release for someone else. Sometimes even a beloved object is not worth the time & effort of inventory management. I prefer being known for a growth mindset, lifelong learning, and the investment I made in relationships with friends & fam. Too often heirs become saddled with someone else’s house crammed full of stuff that crowds out the positive memories.

    26. beverlee

      Having had to clean out loved one’s things, I find that, if I do it, I know where it is going.
      I also know someone who has a big mess of ‘things’ that they will never clean.
      I have seen it overwhelm family members and they just toss it all in a dumpster.
      If you want it to be a treasure, treat it like one. Not everything is.

      • Ann C

        Love your last two sentences!

    27. Michele M.

      You’re being so strong and brave – another reason why I like your blog so much.

      Letting go of stuff is a kind of freedom, lightening up the load – your move will hopefully be much easier with less things. And without a doubt you have (had) some truly AMAZING things. You have such a eye. Hope you are making some profits to aid in this transition!!!

    28. Elena M.

      I think letting go of things is not that difficult; what’s terrible is regretting something you got rid of, but would be perfect for a new spot or space you have now. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be for me to get rid of big items without knowing what my new home looks like – I am assuming from what you’ve written that you don’t even know what area you will end up in, or what your new home will be like, so I can
      only say you are very brave and lucky to have such a positive, faithful and bright outlook for what awaits you in your future. I truly wish you the best in your new adventure. I’m looking forward to new decorating, DIYs, and updating of your new home (my favorite things to read on your blog!) .

    29. Julie | Home On The Hill

      Your perspective Marian is very much how I try to see the loss of a dearly loved dog. Although in this case I do not choose when I have to say goodbye, but when the day comes I know that sadly saying goodbye to that dear friend allows me throughout my life to be able to cherish & appreciate many more.

    30. Cheryl

      Thank you, just what I needed!

    31. Jill McDowell

      This is something I so desperately needed to hear. I’m printing it out and putting it on the table next to my bed so I can read it every morning.

    32. Judeth

      Great words of wisdom and kindness. Good luck.

    33. Addie

      I too, loved this post. A couple of years ago I moved and I did clean out a lot. I too, had stuff in storage for longer than I expected. When I finally found the perfect home about 6-8 large pieces, that I paid hefty storage fees on, didn’t fit!!! I ended up selling or donating them. What a waste. I wish you wrote this before I made the move!!!! haha!!!
      And as is in the Bible, “don’t store up your treasures on earth where moth and rust ……”
      I can’t wait to see your place!!!! I hope you are not going all minimal on us!!! Love all your posts!!!

    34. Doda

      All I can say to that is Amen sister!

    35. Yvonne

      Are you taking your beautiful blue and white quilts to your new home?

    36. Lisa

      I’ve been a lawn sale loving, Good Will shopper, for 40 years.
      I’ve come to the realization that, I am only a holder of these treasures, like you to enjoy for a season, until the person who comes to our home and reacts in glee when they fall in love with something on a wall or shelf. I know it was meant for them, and I am only the holder. It’s a joy to know someone else will now enjoy what I was blessed to find. It’s truly a double blessing for me.

    37. Lynda

      Thank you Marion! I too have been to auctions and it is sad to see someone’s “things” spread out and sold to the highest bidder. I have also been “downsizing” in recent years and letting go of stuff that I never used and that I know my son and DIL don’t want. We don’t entertain with china, silver and crystal anymore and neither do they. I did keep a few serving pieces that I use at the holidays but I sold off my other things and my china cabinet. After an older relative passes away and you go through their things, it puts everything into perspective.

    38. Laura

      I think we can all learn to be content. How many scrub brushes, paint brushes, tops, pants, shoes, creamers, vases, pitchers etc etc do we need? Owning “stuff” can be emotionally , physically and spiritually draining. Keeping life simple can open me up to being more available to love and serve others in God’s kingdom.
      I never had my parents leftovers and with a large family I didn’t have to much time or money to acquire stuff. Except for books!!! Never enough books to read— Although, I have found over the years a library card is more valuable than another book shelf.
      Peace?

    39. Linda

      I am in the process of letting go of possessions too in order to plan for a future move when my husband retires possibly next year. It’s amazing how much “stuff” we collect over the years because it holds memories. I’ve learned to take a picture of something that I’m letting go that has sentimental value. Good luck with your move!

    40. Barbara

      My husband and I were in your position last summer. We are in our 70s and realized/decided that living 1,100 and 1,800 miles from our children was no longer a good idea (and they agreed). We had two homes to sell (in two states…one of them our “retirement home” that became rental property…long story). Also, we knew we would be in transition, for possibly several months, so we decided to have estate sales and start fresh in our new home. We had some family pieces and other antiques we had bought that we loved. I had a collection of Christmas Holy Family figurines (30+). We brought only what would fit in our two cars. Was it hard? Yes, in some ways, but it was the right decision. Have I missed anything we left behind? Not really (and that surprises me somewhat). . God went before us every step of the way and we are now settled in our “new to us” home near our daughter.

      • Rhonda K

        Barbara,
        I am intrigued by your situation. I, too, am in need of a severe purge. Did you take any furniture or was it really only those items that fit in your cars? did you purchase new items once you got settled? Seriously starting to think your way! 🙂

    41. Tanya

      This post really hit home with me. I have been “preparing” to clean out my house for the past 10 years but wasn’t able to bring myself to actually part with anything until this year. I look around my house and the word hoarder came to my mind. I have items marked as to sell, donate, or give away but something always came up and I didn’t follow thru with it. I love a good thrift find, curb-side find, and yard sale which only compounded the problem. I’ve always known that I hold on to things because my older siblings took things from me as a child and often destroyed them in front of me (Christmas toys, bikes, dolls, money, clothes, etc.), anything I found joy in having I wasn’t able t keep. I see other peoples “stuff” as treasures that brought them joy at one point so why can’t it bring me joy. I now keep a box on my front porch and anything that lands in it gets donated. I no longer go out of my way to visit my favorite thrift store and I’ve developed a mindset that I don’t need another curbside dresser or dining hutch. So far, for 2022, I’ve parted with large and small items that I loved, restored, treasured, and tripped over and somehow don’t miss them. We are nearing the 5th month into the new year and I can walk around my house without turning sideways to get by something. I also joined a Buy Nothing group on Facebook once every other week, I let my community know that I’ve put something “free” at the curb outside my house. I’m making progress.

    42. Carswell

      I have a reuse/recycle depot close to my home in addition to the usual resale charity shops – so I make regular runs to those as I decide to let something go. The sentimental attachments to articles are the hardest to overcome and I am a work in progress on that front.

      One thing I’ve done a couple of times is to collect a bunch of stuff I’m ready to part with and invite some friends over to “shop” and take whatever appeals to them. We have an evening with snacks and beverages, lots of good chat and everyone goes home with some treasures. Whatever is left I take over to the reuse/recycle place.

      Now that the covid thing finally seems to be easing I’m planning on doing another one.

    43. judith

      Thanks for this, Marian. I laughed out loud over your calling this a “pep talk.” This is perfect timing for me, as I look at the mess of accumulation that is my home. Please consider writing a book on letting go of things – in addition to everything else at which you are so talented, it would be a success.

    44. kf

      Thank you, Marian.

      This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I’ve been holding on to a couple of pieces of ‘family furniture’, even though I’m not crazy about the style and have wanted to let them go for a long time. It’s time, and your perspective has given me the courage. So…thank you.

    45. Mary S

      Hi Marion,
      That is the reason I’ve pretty much stopped going to Estate sales.
      What I witnessed is people elbowing their way to get in front of me
      but mostly, the way they “root” through linens, and artwork and dishes. It’s a game to see who can get the most and before the others.

      To me, those are things that belonged to someone – probably now deceased – and the lack of respect for other people’s things I find pretty disturbing. Maybe it’s me. But I think how I felt when people
      were going thru my Mom’s belongings after she moved out of her house. It was repulsive.

      Once upon a time I saw a charming table that I really wanted. I didn’t want to spend the $225 so left without it. But I couldn’t get it out of my mind. So I went back and it had been sold! The shop owner at my request even called the person who bought it but they didn’t want to sell it to me. So…. same thing happened with some cowboy boots I was dying for. But they too were sold when I went back. Still to this day I think about both of those things. Yep… just things…. but doggone it! Uuugghhhhh…….. And I never find something I liked as much as those that were “lost”. We’re silly aren’t we????? Best of luck on you house cleaning and your move. Wish I were closer… I would help you 🙂

    46. Barbara Ann

      Oh my. After reading everyone’s comments about your latest post, it really has gotten me thinking about having to let go of so many things that we have accumulated over the years—-things from my mom and his mom—that I know that none of our 4 children and their families will want because they all have their own “stuff”.
      I find it hard to let go of something that I still have the receipt for it tucked somewhere in it!
      I spent 2 weeks going through my Mom’s household after my sisters and I had to move her to a memory care unit. That was so hard for me because I wanted to honor her by not getting rid of everything. I did a lot of purging, and lot of throwing away, donating and giving away of her belongings.
      I know at my age I definitely need to start paring down what we have in our large home because I know my kids will sell our Persian carpets for $5 at a garage sale!
      I guess I’d better start making lists and walking through to see what I can part with…
      I will have to read your post over and over to myself to get in the right frame of mind❤️

    47. Kathleen Adams

      I like to say that my Mother was raised during the depression and that I was raised, as if there were one! Keeping things, all sorts of things for, “just in case”. It was quite a mindset! I have found, like you, that there is always more of everything. I fondly remember my adventures in collecting the many things I have treasured over the years. But, I also have come to realize that I am mostly a conduit for those treasures. They came as a blessing to me for a time and then they continue on to be a treasure in someone else’s experience. That brings me both joy and a peace for having been part of the cycle of life for beautiful things and blessed people. Imagine, if those treasures could talk! Glad you are feeling better and looking forward to hearing about more of your adventures! Watching you grow with your blog has been a wonder-filled pastime! Your wisdom and generosity are such a blessing to many.

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    49. Stacy

      Hi,
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