more thoughts on letting go | home organizing

by | Aug 15, 2022 | All Things Home, Organizing | 25 comments

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As we were selling lots of things to prepare for our move, I wrote a post about letting go.  (You can find that HERE.)  I’ve actually written many posts about selling pieces, home organizing, and an entire series about stuff and our relationship with it.  I’ve realized over the years that we can have a very complicated relationship with our belongings and it’s not always an easy one to understand or articulate.  Why are some things easy to drop off at the thrift store and other things feel so valuable, priceless even, and deeply connected to who we are?  Getting rid of an old pair of tap shoes somehow feels like getting rid of a piece of our history.

It’s all way over my head, but I think, in recent years, shows, books, and blogs have been showcasing ideas that make us feel even more like we need to deal with our stuff, get rid of more, and do home organizing “the proper way.”  Ideas like tiny houses, minimalism, van life, and popular brands like the KonMari method, and The Home Edit.  Even shows like Hoarders can prompt a purge lest we end up buried in our stuff.

more thoughts on letting go | home organizing | miss mustard seed

Since I received so many comments, questions, and thoughts about the post I wrote a few weeks ago on letting go, I thought I would write a follow-up post with a few more thoughts on the subject.

I really don’t subscribe to one method of purging or home organizing.  I just don’t think there is one right way, but it is a highly individual process.  I stick more to principles.  Do I love it?  Do I use it?  Do I have a perfect place for it or is it something I just holding onto, storing it for “someday” that might never come?  Here are some principles and processes that have worked for me over the years and they might help you…

put the piece in limbo and see how it feels

I think this is one of the best practices if you think you “should” get rid of something, but you’re not sure if you really want to.  I first want to say that if you want to keep something, it’s yours!  Keep it!  But, if it’s something that is taking up space that could be better utilized, then put it in “limbo” and see how you feel about it.  Limbo could be a garage, a basement, a closet, the trunk of your car, a dedicated limbo shelf, or a pile.  It’s just a holding place for things that are on their way out.

Do you forget about the piece entirely?  Do you miss it?  Does it make you feel regret or guilt?  Maybe you’ll find a new spot for your limbo pieces or you can think of someone who would love them.  Maybe you realize you don’t care about them as much as you thought you did and they are sold or donated.  Giving yourself that cushion takes away the immediacy of having to make a decision right in the middle of home organizing that feels permanent when you’re trying to get things sorted.  If you’re not sure about something, put it in limbo and decide when you’re ready.

more thoughts on letting go | home organizing | miss mustard seed

 

take a picture with the item and give it a celebratory send-off

I did this a lot with my boys.  When they outgrew a favorite article of clothing or toys, I would have them pose with it and we would take a picture.  We would also think of someone special to give it to.  It felt better knowing a toy with lots of great memories was going to Adam or Jude or Chase or even to the church nursery instead of somewhere unknown.  We could talk about how much those kids would love this toy and it would be played with and enjoyed.

In a way, I do the same thing.  I like to take pictures of the things I buy or make and share them here on the blog before I sell them.  I also love when I get to meet the people I sell or donate things to.  It makes the experience rich to know that a family will be using a great antique pine cabinet for their homeschooling books or a set of bunk beds will be going to a sweet woman who is pregnant with her fourth child.

Give your things a good send-off, filled with gratitude that you were able to enjoy them for a season.  Home organizing and purging can be very rewarding.

handmade selbu mittens | miss mustard seed

getting rid of something should feel good, not traumatic

Getting rid of something should be a voluntary choice that feels good.  It gives you more space.  It clears out some clutter.  It’s the end of one thing and the beginning of another.   It gives another person the opportunity to use and enjoy those things.  It shouldn’t feel traumatic.  That’s how it feels when things are taken from us by theft, fire, flood, natural disasters, and loss.

It’s okay to feel sad about seeing something go, but home organizing and purging shouldn’t feel traumatic.  If it’s feeling that way, take a step back and reassess the process and the why.  Think about what you gain and weigh it with what you lose.

more thoughts on letting go | home organizing | miss mustard seed

see the possibilities | things can be transformed

I think this is the most exciting part of getting rid of things.  Old things can be turned into other things – things that we want more or things that will be more useful.  I have been trading up since our first apartment.  I would hold a yard sale to buy new dishes or sell a piece of furniture I fixed up to buy a piece of furniture I liked more.  You don’t have to own a business to do this and, with local online classifieds like craigslist and Facebook marketplace, it’s easier than ever.

Something I’m asked regularly about my ironstone collection is, “Are your boys interested in keeping your ironstone when you’re gone?”  The answer is I don’t know and I don’t really care!  I’m not collecting it for them but because I really like ironstone.  If they don’t want my ironstone or art books or antiques, which they probably won’t, I would encourage them to sell them and buy something they really like with that money.  That would truly make me happy and those pieces would go along to people who like them as I did.

more thoughts on letting go | home organizing | miss mustard seed

label the keepers

Yesterday, my mom was opening a jar in the kitchen with a contraption she got out of my Opa’s kitchen after he died.  “When I go, you need to get this jar opener.  They don’t make it anymore and it’s the best thing ever!”  I had to laugh because she has told me this very thing at least a dozen times.  I wonder if she’s told my older brother the same thing and we’ll end up fighting over the rare and awesome jar opener.  I told her, “Well, write my name on it!”

If you decide to keep something, it should be for a reason.  It works well.  You love it.  It’s useful.  It’s valuable.  It carries family history.  If that’s the case, label it.  Or create a list of things, their location, and their significance.  If someone has asked for it, write their name on it.  My great-aunt asked the next generations to speak up if there is something they want from her house when she is gone.  She made a list of all of the claimed items and who claimed them.  It seems a little morbid and might feel a little grabby, but she spoke about it with delight, knowing that her kids and grandkids wanted some of her inherited and collected treasures.  (You can see her beautiful home tour HERE.)

I would want to encourage you to specifically label family items each time you go through the home organizing.  Even if they aren’t kept in the family, the history of that piece can be relayed to the next owner.  If ever I buy a piece that is labeled or has an inscription, I keep it.  One of my favorite ironstone pitchers has a piece of tape on the bottom that reads, Grandma Schumaker’s.  I don’t know who grandma Schumaker was, but I love her pitcher and am glad I get to take care of it for her now.

more thoughts on letting go | antique baby shoes | home organizing | miss mustard seed

Any other words of wisdom to add?  I always enjoy your comments and when my readers chime in on the conversation.

If you need more encouragement about stuff, you might enjoy these posts…

My Perspective on Letting Go of Things

 The Purpose of Stuff

Stuff with Strings

To the Keeper of the Stuff

If the Shoe Doesn’t Fit

And these are some of my favorite organizing books…

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    25 Comments

    1. Taria

      When we closed my folks home after they had been there over 40 years it was an eye opener. The memories with many things were theirs not ours. 7 kids and many grands later much was just worn out and done. Some didn’t want to seem grabby when we needed them to be! My hope is to get important things to me to some of the younger generation while I’m alive. A niece has mom’s china, another will get g’ma’s featherweight and so on. I don’t want to leave my kids with the work we got. DH packs stuff in a box. It sits on a garage shelf for a year before he moves it on. He never needs anything until he gets rid of the box. lol but his system works mostly great for him. Moving once in awhile helps too. Thanks for all your tips.

    2. Babs

      I think you have been fearless and brave about this move. Not everyone would be able to take a leap of faith like you have.

      My husband and I are aging (rapidly, it seems!) and need to downsize but we seem to be stuck. We love where we live but are finding it more difficult each passing day to do all the work necessary to maintain the place. We are trying to be practical and logical but are paralyzed for some reason. We were trying to avoid moving while under the stress of a death or illness…as we have seen with some friends whose spouse has passed away suddenly.

      I guess not making a decision IS a decision. I continue to take inspiration from you and from fellow posters.

      • Lee

        Hi Babs, thanks for this comment. My husband and I are having these same situations and thoughts, your insight was very eye opening and helpful. Wishing you a beautiful day.

        • Babs

          I love the people who post here as well as our dear Marian.

    3. Nicole

      So true! Great post. I love collecting dishes, and over the past 15 years I have amassed quite a collection, but I don’t really have a place to display them right now so a lot of them are living in boxes, which is just sad. When I read your book I was so inspired by your palette of blue, white and green and I realized that is exactly what I want! A china cabinet filled with my favourite blue and white pieces from my Gramma and pretty white and jadeite pieces I’ve found at antique and thrift shops. Figuring out my vision has given me great freedom to let go of the pink and yellow pieces that don’t fit into that. I am on the lookout for a china cabinet, and any pieces that don’t fit into that designated space I will also pass on to others. I was able to give a lot of the pieces to ladies in my church, which makes me happy knowing they will get a lot of use out of them!

    4. Chris

      I come from a family of “keepers” so after 37 years, my house was full of stuff. When the basement flooded and filled with mold, I scrambled to remove some valuable or valued items in the first days. In the end, I had to part with much of the contents. I am sad that I lost my vinyl records from my teen and young adult years, a nice chair that belonged to my MIL, and some other things. It took nearly ten months to restore the basement space but I have a fresh pallet to work with and I am trying hard not to fill it up again.

    5. Sharon W.

      People, clean out your junk now, especially the stuff that has sat in the basement for years. I’ve had to clean out my parents house, my mother in law’s and help with my Grandmother’s home. I’m sure my kids think I have a lot of stuff, but I’ve minimized as much as I can to make the job easier for them. I too am trying to take the no guilt route. Just because I treasure my grandmother’s dining set, doesn’t mean they need to be stuck with it. I have my dad’s little spatula and the matching one he got me. Two of my biggest treasures and one for each kid!

      I love that you got rid of your stuff and moved across country to be closer to your parents. It’ll be the smartest move you’ve made. Everything always works out for the best!

    6. Karen

      Nothing is more stressful after a family death than having to go through tons and tons of things that belonged to them. I’ve been through it more times than I liked. I am sentimental and over the years have collected quite a few things and have become “Mom’s Storage Co” for both of my kids. But I am also getting the age now where I am thinking ahead about my own children having to go through my “treasures.” So I asked them both recently what their thoughts were on all my things. I was quite shocked to learn that they really weren’t that interested in many of the things I’ve kept over the years that I thought they’d want! So this winter I am going to go through my entire attic of collected things and box by box and purge by donating, selling, or throwing away items. I am going to ask my two kids (who are both grown) about certain items. I suspect they won’t want them yet but rather want them after I’m gone. I will box up each item and make a list of what goes where in each box. That way I won’t be contributing to that dreaded purge on them when I am gone. The things that are displayed in my house now mean a lot to me and they are staying. But the attic stuff is my nemesis. I’ve kept it and ignored it long enough.

    7. JC

      This is such words of wisdom and timely as we close on our beloved vacation cabin in about two weeks. We are leaving, as per the agreement, 97% of the furniture, decor, kitchen items, tools, snowblower, and fun toys like skins, sleds, and inner tubes. It will be bittersweet when we close that door for the last time. It’s also a blessing as I have no room in my home for these items and the style is different from my european style. We hope it will greatly bless the next family as they can just move right in and start enjoying. One thing I have been doing is taking pictures, like you, some with people, some just a close up of the item. I intend to compile in a book as a Christmas gift for my family. That’ll be a lot less hassle to store and something easily passed down!

      • JC

        Oops, should have said SKIIS not skins!!

    8. Kathleen

      This is such a helpful. and timely post for me. My mother was an only child as was her mother. My mother’s husband was an only child and kept all his family’s antiques and jewelry, boyhood toys, his mother’s girlhood letters, etc. As a result I have been inundated with these precious things. It’s hard to know what to do with it all. The fact that I’m very nostalgic and a huge history buff has made it very difficult to get rid of things. Thanks so much.

    9. Cheryl

      Several of these ideas I follow myself! Before my mom died she put names on things the family wanted so there was no fighting! Love your articles!

      • Rita

        It’s a wonderful idea to at least label things so that anyone going through your home later will know. I’ve gotten rid of a lot of stuff but it’s a process. I like that you said you are not collecting for anyone but you. That puts it into perspective. Now if I can just get over the guilt of getting rid of craft, sewing supplies that I have bought over the years and have yet to make anything with them.

    10. Betsy

      After emptying out 4 relatives homes nothing gives me more pleasure than getting rid of excess. I have limited treasures and I love them all. Marion, I know you’re busy but could you post a link to when you first started blogging. I’d love to read the beginning. Thank you!

    11. Sandi from the Cape

      I have an almost 80 year old vintage wicker bassinet that started with my sister in the 1940’s and just recently my grandbaby girl used it for a short time (they are in bassinets for such a short time!). Over 20 babies, myself being number 2 have slept there, but my girls don’t share my love of vintage wicker. It doesn’t make me sad as it’s always been my thing. So now it’s time to pass it on and someone is going to have a beautiful bed!

      • Irene Kelly

        Yes l agree that letting go of pocessions is very difficult but so satisfying of giving them to others who you know will appreciate them. I make up little packages tied with a bow and give to people who I know will enjoy items that I have loved or used for years. All my needlework will stay until I die for I just cannot part with all my pieces I have framed or displayed all over my home. I enjoy receiving compliments from people when they see my pieces. Unlike my dear friend who sold all her needlework at yard sales because neither of her daughters- in -laws wanted them. It’s so sad that many younger people do not appreciate older pieces especially “brown” furniture. Thank you for sharing your tips ! Still waiting with baited breath to see where you will settle ? ?

    12. Sally Gleason

      We are in the process of going through my in-laws home. It’s the fourth generation that’s lived in the house. Lots of stuff. Mother-in- law kept a book that we wrote done an item, any history she knew of it( she was 93 and a great memory), and she’d write who was suppose to get it or who had requested an item. Saved a lot on who gets what and the history on each item was great to have.

    13. Sandy

      Thank you for the wisdom in this post because it has been learned from experience and a generous heart. Continuing to pray for God’s guidance and peace at this place in your life.

    14. Jen C

      My husband and I have also had the task of settling his family home two years ago. 60 years of accumulation. After we were finished we tackled our home right away because we don’t want our two grown children to go through what we did. We were sidetracked for a little while with purging but we’re going to get back to it. Your advice, and the advice of others, is very helpful. I usually group by save, hand down, and donate. Thanks again.

    15. Phyllis Sharon

      Before I start purging excess stuff, I make a deal with myself. I tell myself that when I’m finished, I can select two items from the purge pile to keep. Knowing that I can rescue two items makes it easy to put things in the pile!

      At the end, I select two items to keep. When the next purge occurs, if I have not used those items, they go back to the purge pile. And I’m not allowed to rescue them again!

    16. Lynnett Ratchford

      Here are some tips I have learned through the years:

      1. I do not feel guilty about loving beautiful things, having an abundance of them or taking the time and energy to maintain them as long as my spiritual priorities are correctly aligned, that being Jesus first, family next. Things are not more important than people.

      2. My husband and I have made remodeling choices based on the question, “how does this affect us when we are older?” which helps us choose convenience and accessibility over style or trends.

      3. We made two three-ringed notebooks with forms we created showing a photo, dimensions, family history, cost at the time of purchase, value now, if we know it, and to whom it is intended to go after our deaths. Sometimes we designate which side of the family it came from or should remain in. Our insurance agent loves it.

      4. Sometimes our heirs don’t appreciate the treasures we have because we don’t take time to invest our family history into the younger generation. One of my treasures is an intricately made wreath crafted from human hair and feathers displayed in a homemade shadow box made by my grandfather. His sister, my great aunt who I never knew, made what is sometimes called a “funeral wreath”. The Victorians believed a piece of someone’s hair was an intimate remembrance of the person since hair does not decay. This item is precious to me because my grandmother would take it off the wall, explain its history to me and admire the workmanship of her late sister-in-law. Some of my family think it is morbid to want the hair of my ancestors culled from a hairbrush or a haircut. I like to think of all the DNA displayed over the guest room bed.

    17. Nora sudetic

      I took advantage of the early days of the lockdown in ‘20! My attic was a huge mess. I was dealing with some pretty serious health issues and was nervous I would be leaving a huge mess for my kids and hubs to deal with. I was afraid of things ‘went sideways’ they’d never say a nice thing about me. Lol. So I got to work. With the help of my kids we went thru not only the attic but each and every room in the house. It felt SO GOOD. The more we got rid of the easier it got. I think my house bounced up 2 feet with all the weight of the junk out. And as we speak I have a whole bunch of things in my dining room I’m taking to a donation center that helps people get back into nice stable housing. Knowing it’s going to help people makes getting rid of it so much easier.
      My house and my health are in a good place right now. Life is good.

      • Kim

        Nora, that is one of the best comments I’ve ever read, that your house “bounced up 2 feet with all the weight of the junk out.”

        There have been many times I’ve been in overloaded antique stores and wondered if the structure was strong enough to actually hold the weight of all the things safely! We definitely do not want our own homes to be weighted down like that!

    18. Barbara

      Marian, I love this post and you! I learned a long time ago after moving so many times to go the same things…take photos. We have upside, downsized, and are going to soon be uprising again! So, the best solution has been learning to let go and knowing it is really only stuff and take photos. On a side note, I still have the grain sack chair that was yours and will not be giving that up anytime soon!! I think of you everyday. It reminds me to pray for you.

    19. Candice

      I’ve been grappling with framing some old crocheted doilies my grandmother made. My house is not really 100% transitional or traditional nor is it farmhouse. I guess it is just “us” which I suppose is a good thing. Anyway, I bought some modern black frames and the plan was to starch the doilies flat and then press them tightly into the frame with black poster board behind them. They are diamond shaped and I picked them because they are not the usual round or oval shape to make them a little more modern. They have been sitting on my dining room table for months while I decided whether or not I want to display them in the frames or put them back in the closet with all the rest of the things my grandmother crocheted. I have decided to hang them up after reading your blog today and also reading the post about your great aunt’s house. Thanks!

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    Marian Parsons - Miss Mustard Seed

    I’m Marian, aka Miss Mustard Seed, a wife, mother, paint enthusiast, lover of all things home and an entrepreneur, author, artist, designer, freelance writer & photographer.  READ MORE to learn more about me, my blog and my business…

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