AKA…when the husband/wife/significant other/roomie says, “No.”
I get a lot of labor intensive, kinda crazy ideas that I would like to do to our house. I informed my husband a few years ago that if I’m ever sitting quietly, looking around a room, he didn’t need to wonder what I was thinking about. 99% of the time, I’m thinking about what I could do to that space. My brain just does that. So, when I start a sentence with, “I was thinking…”, he groans.
Now, let me backtrack and say that he goes along with the majority of my plans and only asks for about two square feet of space next to his bed where he can pile books and not have any froof in his way. He goes out to yard sales with me, he fixes furniture with bubbled veneer, he lets me paint a room…well…a lot of times and it doesn’t faze him. There are times, though, when he draws the line. I’m all excited about some big plan I have and he is totally not on board. I know this is not uncommon, because I receive e-mails asking how to convince a husband to paint a bedroom set. I’m certainly not a marriage counselor or an expert at the art of compromise, but here are some suggestions…
Remember it’s his/her/their home, too. I try to remind myself of this when my kids spill their drink on the carpet or have toys all over the place. My husband lives in our house, too, and it has to be comfortable for him. He doesn’t have strong opinions about home decor, but he insists that things are functional. I try to pull one over on him here and there and slip a pretty French chair in place of our comfy slipcovered wing chairs. He walks in the room, says, “nope” and I moved things back. It’s his space, too.
Find a way to express your vision. Not everyone has a good imagination. You may want to crop some pictures or share some examples of the look you want or what your idea is. Do this with sincerity, though, not in a manipulative way. If you want to paint your kitchen cabinets and he’s dead-set against it, show him some pictures of painted cabinetry and see what he thinks. Give him time and don’t pressure him.
Work around it. I’ve seen some amazing rooms designed around pine paneling. See the restrictions as a challenge and allow it to push your creativity instead of frustrate you. If you feel frustrated, go back to my first tip…it’s his house, too.
Lastly, it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission. OK, TOTALLY kidding on that one. Don’t just plow over anyone who stands in your way. In the end, it’s not worth bad blood over painting a dresser or getting rid of the really awful camouflage recliner that’s been the “fly in the ointment” of your family room for 10 years. Stuff in the end is just stuff. And while we all love to decorate and we’re passionate about our homes, it’s not more important than the people in our lives and their happiness in the space that should be the most comfortable place on earth for them. Right?
Now, I’ve gotta go try to convince my hubby that board and batten would be amazing in the master bedroom…
53 Responses
I have found that given a few drinks, my husband is agreeable to almost anything. It took me about 12 years to figure that out, but it's working like a charm!
Such a funny and dead on post. I find that sometimes saying Ooops, did you tell me No? and batting eyelashes fixes it all up.
I love this…so true, and so important to remember it's not just about style..but life. With our folks happy.
😀
shaunna
if I keep at him long enough- and show him pretty examples- then he usually goes along with it. Like the white couch thats on its way to my house. He thought I was INSANE for wanting a white couch with the maniacs that live in our home. But I convinced him since its slip covered, that its the way to go! it helped that I showed him your house pictures (among others) and assured him that you all have little hellions living amongst your white couches also 🙂
Lol you are so funny!!
Loved the last part about asking forgiveness…lol
Loved this thoughtful and true post Marian.
Deborah xoxo
So true! This comes on a day that I've been trying to concince Zac that we need to make a concrete slab for our kitchen table….nope, he says 🙁 wish I knew how to so it myself!
Oh my gosh do I need that right now ~ We are getting ready to redo
our bathroom ~ My hubby likes the vintage farmhouse thing but doesn't get it real well ~ For example nothing can have brush strokes in it ~ I try and tell him that it is a good thing ~ That is just one example of quite a few ~
I have to remember it is his home to …..
well me and my hubby have been together over 30 yrs. he does not always get my vision but is pretty supportive.what i have learned is he is into function and comfort. so if i go too far off the reservation he feels disrespected. good post! we need to remember that many of us dont live alone. 😉
:))) So true! We just finished board and batten in the girls' room! It was a fight, but I won. Now he loves it, too. YAY!
LOL, I know you speak the truth! I get wrapped up in 'who spends the majority of their day here?' this is MY office 🙂
No truer words..My husband has always gone along with 99% of what I do..He knows that I will get it the job done so much cheaper than he could ever imagine and that's what makes it so much fun..I love your blog and your ideas are always amazing..Have a great weekend..
Janet
I love that you posted about this as I try to make my husband and daughter comfortable as well, my husband is adamant about a few pieces not being painted that I would love to paint and he would not be very pleased if I painted wood paneling or wood in kitchen so I have been adding alot of light furniture, shutters etc working around that. There were times when I was frustrated but you are right you need to get real creative when working around these things! I got my chalkpaint and wanted to thank you for all your postings on it as I paint furniture and was able to do so many pieces in one day……..truly amazing. Thank you for all that you share and do, now I must go use that U and I sugar sack on a chair (another copycat) but it is for personal use! Thanks again!
Does this mean I have to live with all those deer heads in my living room?! Actually, I did when we were first married, but now we have a basement "den" and his deer are happier there than in the "nice" living room anyhow. Such a TRUE post. And I was sooo laughing at the "forgiveness" part. 🙂
Clearly you are a much nicer person then I. When I grow up I shall heed these fabulous words of wisdom. lol.
Paula
Sometimes it is just better to live it. My husband refuses to replace the wood paneling in our family room. It has no plaster wall or dry wall behind it and I can not do it alone. We can really only afford to DIY it. He has done the kitchen, flooring, bathroom for me but for some reason this is his limit. So I painted it my color. And I think how lucky I am to have a good guy to live with…despite that dang wall.
Perfect timing on this post. Yesterday, while my hubby was working I decided to do some painting…well I kept going and painted something I recalled a long time ago he told me not to. The whole time I am thinking, why did I do this, oh why? I messed up, and had to do it over again. Much to my surprise, he was not mad…I told him while he was at work LOL…I knew then he couldn't or wouldn't get mad. I must say most of the time he is on board with me. I must not be so stubborn though, and listen next time. The job caused me more work and back ache in the end.
Hehe! So true. Good advice. Fingers crossed that you get your board & batten and toes crossed that you come one day & he surprises you with it all done! Can I just tell you that my husband likes the lavender better than the navy idea I had? Surprising.
You forgot…wear him down. I've been working my hubby over about painting our kitchen cabinets for 4 YEARS. He is pretty close to saying, "Yes." I figure another 6-9 months and the deal will be closed. He knows it's useless once my mind is made up…
This was your all-time top posting!
SO important what you just wrote about. Things are only things, after all.
But the people in our lives are precious.
(Occasionally, I can be the one to say NO. Like, to having a crosstrainer standing in our living room…)
After twenty years, I am amazed at how often my husband can word my exact thoughts on stuctural solutions, like holes in walls, before I even say anything.
Being one to naturally lean towards 'softer' interiors, I have found it helpful to compare interiors created by men and women, and to acieve a balance between the two.
As an example – when the Scandinavian/ French style first got really popular, I could see bloggers who painted absolutely EVERYTHING white! And on top of that lots of frills and knick-knacks. And I tried to imagine a man living in all of that…
Then came the healthy reaction to the too frilly styles, whith retro/industrial/natural, and suddenly balance was aceived.
I like your style, Marian, just because you have acheived that balance act so well. And, because you have encouraged me to dare think about starting a home business for myself!
Respect.
Ingela, from Sweden.
This was such a great post, Marion! I'm very blessed to live with a hubby who goes along with just about everything I do in the decorating/home department. We'll be walking through an antique store and he'll point out something and say "thats very you". He gets me. It wasn't always like that…when we were first married he even admitted to being embarassed cause he thought our house looked like an old person's house because of all the antiques. Now that we've been married awhile and he hears all the compliments people give me on our house, he just sits back and smiles with pride. Its cute. 😉 He even compliments me too! His only stipulation is that its functional and comfortable….which is no problem for me cause I'm all about both of those!
Hugs,
Gail
I totally agree with everything you said. AFter 22 years I have gained his confidence and so he usually goes with whatever I say. The hardest part is when I need his help and he isn't quite as excited about the project as I am! 🙂
Magoo and I are in a tug of war at the moment… I want to move Sophie and Henry into the bedroom with us at night. I found the cutest bed for them and it's a bit large- he doesn't like Sophie Stinkerbelle in the bed with us so I think it's the perfect solution. Even fur balls deserve a soft place to land!
Great post! : )
I walked into a restaurant for dinner to night that I had never had dinner in, and within the first 5 minutes, I was already half done re-decorating it in my head. Because it NEEDED IT!!! Glad to know I'm not the only one that does this! ;,)
Thanks for sharing this. I can certainly relate. My husband is all about comfort. As long as it's comfortable he's pretty much okay. He's gotten used to my "grand" ideas. I just need to not overwhelm him with too many! 🙂
Excellent advice for sure!! They do share the space with us and we have to consider their comfort and style as well. Well, most of them don't have a "style" but they think they do! Ha!
Humor them!!
Hugs
SueAnn
Hahaha! This post made me laugh out loud! My husband also knows that when I'm sitting quietly, looking around the room, I am 'scheming' (his word) up ideas! I prefer 'envisioning'. 🙂 He is a good sport though and even enjoys our decorating conversations most of the time. Right now, I'm subtly trying to convince him that a t+g ceiling would look fabulous in our laundry room. Initially he said no, but over the course of the last month or so, I've shown him several examples of what it could look like and he's almost onboard with the idea! But more often than not, I respect his opinion and ideas because, well, he has to live here too. 🙂
Ha!
My hubby seems to do a lot of head shaking and walking away…..love it!
After 36 years of being together, he knows how to pick his battles ;->
Janet xox
My hubby has the design sense of a bat. In his mind, change is a bad thing. Since I have always followed your last suggestion, I can tell you that asking forgiveness is easier than fighting the battle of trying to convince him on most issues.
However he did find me a stash of pallets, so I guess I will keep him.
This is like soooo many conversations I have had with friends. When I try to tell my husband something I want to do I know he tries to follow me and understand, but he just is not on the same wave length. For the first few years of marriage he would tell me he didn't want me to do certain things, but thru the years he began to trust me. So I know I haven't embarassed him yet. I am the only female in my house and lucky for them I am still quite the tomboy, so I've kept things pretty but not girly. I've found that I could get away with more feminine looks, by just using more masculine colors. For the first time I'm painting white furniture for my bedroom (see my recent post), but the drapes are chocolate brown velvet and the walls creme broulee, he really likes it so far….
Now when I start talking to him about doing something he will just say "you don't have to ask, just do what you want."
peace
Great post… so true… could've written it myself as I totally get it. Hubby always asks, "Why do you come up with the ideas and I do the work?" Well, it's because he does such a great job (we've paid workers and he has actually re-done that work… uh-huh. And part of that is going on in my kitchen -the bane of my existence at the moment.) and he won't let me help. But mostly, my ideas are better. 😉 I do the research, show the pictures, have a design file, etc. He is a good sport most of the time. But the comment from him, "I'm just a retired civil servant, Hyacinth," gets to me sometimes! Yes, he calls me "Hyacinth" ala Keeping Up Appearances… Karen
p.s. board and batten is my list, too!
Have a great weekend…
This post makes me think of my best friend and her husband! Every year he goes on a fishing trip with buddies and she works like a demon re-doing something while he's gone!
This year he was almost afraid to leave and asked what she was going to do! LOL!
He doesn't have her "vision" but is always happy with the results!
Well said!! And may I say, if I found a man who could repair bubbled veneer, i'd marry him immediately!!
My husband gives me full reign on house deco (better if he is not involved in the work part of it!). What's more, he 'shows off' to visitors all the things I've done over the months. The most he will question is, "hmmm…why'd you choose yellow for that chair?" WOOHOOOO! I am so blessed!
im so grateful my husband has learned to just let me have free range on decorating(or im sure it would look like we lived in a man cave)….but when i do make a mistake i find anything coated in peanut butter gets me in his good graces again!We call peanut butter…"get out of jail free stuff"…….
This post reminded me of comedian Rita Rudner, who said, "I want a man in my life. I just don't want him in my house."
Lol. My husband is the same way and it's usually a one word response like "nope". Earlier this summer I came home from the flea market with a white antique window pane and I hung it on the wall in the family room. It took him several hours to notice it but when he did he said "what in the hell is that?" Hahahaha. Men.
Totally right !
Well said and so true! I am famous for the "I was thinking…" line too!
I'm putting in a tongue and groove ceiling in the spare bedroom for a shabby chic/cottage look. I have the same problem as you and when I start a sentence with "I was thinking…", I get dead silence for a brief period of time. I'm sure Neil is thinking "brace yourself, here it comes!"
When I sit quietly in a room or anywhere for that matter, my husband say; "I can hear you thinking" and then sometimes I fall in love with him all over again when he quickly says; "what's our next project". He's dreamy…but he's also blessed because he knows my style has no froof, frill or ruffle. Just overstuffed, lovely textures and warm paint colors…yes he is blessed! Okay. So am I. I on your side thought about the board and batten, amazing indeed!
I have lived with my darling hubby for 31 years. I love primitive pieces but he doesn't. Our balance is that I put one piece in each room and if he spends a lot of time in the room, I choose a smaller piece… well, except for the large yellow primitive cupboard in our dining room… 🙂 My favorite color is pink. That isn't a good color for a shared home. I wear lots of pink instead. Today DannyO wheeled me through an antique depot and carried my purchases… a primitive painted maple washboard and a vintage piece of pink crepe fabric. Gotta love him!
HubbyDoc doesn't want me to paint the old, beat up banker's desk that was handed down. It looks terrible, but he's firm that he wants it to remain "wood like". So, I convinced him to let me re-finish it. That way, we're both happy. I hate it when husbands have an opinion. 😉
Fondly, Tami
http://www.thisandthatfromtami.blogspot.com
Love this post and it is right on. When I first married my husband he would look at me a bit crazy when I would suggest something. Now he just says he knows it will look great when I am done so go for it. The only thing, in the nine years we have been married, that he didn't like was the red front door. I painted over his lovely solid oak door, but in my defense it was weather beaten and had a crack down the middle. Not to easy to fix and paint was the best solution. Of course I do have the most patient husband in the world too.
I loved this post, and reading what the other women said. It's so awesome to have partners in crime with these other ladies. Every time Ted has been gone for a while, and i've been out thrift shopping, he walks in, and starts looking around, and says, ok what am i gonna find this time… and 90% of the time, he is sooooo gonna find something!
Cindy
Isn't it amazing how much men have in common with one another? Most men don't want to be involved in the aesthetics, but rather the functionality of a piece or space. Every man should have a space that is entirely his to have as he likes. Hubs has the garage and his office. Good thing he won't be reading this, but they look dangerous to walk into.
Great post!,
Barbara
I was rolling on the floor laughing at the "I was thinking…" comment. My husband groans and/or immediately says no when I utter those words… Glad I'm not alone…. 🙂
I want to see great ideas for decorating with pine paneling. The kind that is tongue and groove. And everywhere in my house!
Love this post. I'll remember that every time I look at my hubby's "Frasier" chair in the living room, as we call it. (You know on the old TV show, Frasier, his dad's ugly recliner in that fancy apartment?" I've learned to love the Frasier chair because I love who sits in it. 🙂
Thankfully my husband does not care about the decor–as long as he has a tv, a chair and dinner he will go with the flow–but what do you expect from a man that when asked about colors for a room he said "Brown would work it matchs the wood."
The only thing I get grips about are the nails I put in the walls… he counted once when he was painting.. over 60 in one room.. and yes I get the eye roll when I say those magic words.. Honey what do you think about XXX for the walls in the living room.. No white anywhere in my house and I change wall color way too much!
Vicki J
Yesterday, DH and I were looking at breakfast sets for our new home. Even though I like his matched dining ideas, that is not what I want. I Googled "how do you convince a husband about decorating" and found this post. It is excellent and I thank you for writing it. Also, the comments are wonderful, as well. I belong to a lot of decorating blogs and I wonder how the husbands went along with some of the rooms. I had much rather have my sweet husband, than have my way about everything. One thing he did give in to…Wood floors in the kitchen. I NEVER thought that would happen. So, one thing at a time!!
I love your blog!!! Hugs, Jan
jrf158@msn.com
http://www.fortheloveofacottage.blogspot.com
I LOVE this post!
I love to decorate & come up with solutions that are needed for design problems… & my hubby is really THE BEST when it comes to helping me with my "wish list"!
Love your blog!!! 🙂
MMS – HELP!!! As soon as I read the part about pine paneling and how you've seen lots of great rooms designed around it, I knew I had to ask: Where have you seen these great rooms?!?
My husband and I bought our first house a few years ago that has a pine paneled bathroom. He genuinely loves it and has asked that I respect his wishes by keeping it. It has been a serious decorating roadblock!
If you have any websites or ideas, I would LOVE to hear about it!! THANKS!
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