As I’ve been sharing my organizing and purging efforts, I have been asked by several blog readers how I decide what to keep and what to get rid of. One reader expressed hesitancy to get rid of something for fear she might need it down the road. So, I thought I would share some of the rules I used for deciding what to keep and what to get rid of. These rules aren’t unbreakable, but they are guidelines that help me make better decisions about stuff. Not only the decisions of what to keep and what to let go, but also what I buy in the first place.
rule number one – space
The first filter everything has to run through is do we have space for it in our house. Space can be subjective because you can have space for a lot of things and not be able to move through your house! I ask if we have the perfect place for something. I was able to fit a lot of ironstone and flatware in my kitchen, but I became convinced that I was trying to force them into the space. It was all a bit too much. So, if you’re feeling crowded by the stuff or don’t have a physical place for something where it can be used and enjoyed, it’s time to let go.
rule number two – love it & use it
I have learned that loving something isn’t a good enough reason to keep it, even though those feelings can be compelling. That being said, it’s important to make sure the things I do decide to keep are things that I love. As I’ve shared in the past, I strive to have a house full of favorites. I don’t do it perfectly and miss the mark sometimes, but that is the goal. (You can read about that HERE.) The love-it questions usually apply to things that are decorative or things that cross the beauty-function barrier. There are, of course, things that are necessary and functional that I wouldn’t say I love, but we do need them. Anything that’s useful or needed is a keeper. If it’s been languishing in a cabinet, like my zoodle-maker and a pair of rain pants that haven’t been opened in over a decade, those can go to a home where they will be used.
Do I love it or use it, AND have the perfect space for it? It’s a keeper. If not, it’s time to let it go.
rule number three – meaningful interaction
There are many things I love and have kept for years, hoping for the right time and place to use them, but that time hasn’t come. Some of them are family pieces or things that I was smitten with when I bought them. The truth is that things aren’t truly loved if they are packed away in a box. In recent years, I have started asking myself if I can interact with those items in a meaningful way. In most cases, I can’t or simply don’t.
There might be a few precious exemptions, but for the most part, I don’t want to keep things I can’t interact with in a meaningful way. This applies to things that remain packed away because I don’t have room or use for them. This applies to things that are buried under other things because I have too many things. This applies to things that are broken and can no longer be used for their intended purpose.
Since cleaning out some of the more cluttered areas of our current house, I have enjoyed the things I’ve kept so much more.
I do still have some things in bins because they are things that have value to me – quilts my mom and mother-in-law made, things that belonged to my Oma and Opa, things from when the boys were little. It’s okay to keep those things. I think chucking everything isn’t necessary or very kind to ourselves if we feel they are important bits of our family history. But our home is also not a museum or storage unit, so I try to just keep my very favorite things, and either use, display, or respectfully store them.
If you’re not sure if you want to get rid of something, try putting it in a box in the garage and see how you feel about it after a week or so. If you’re still not sure, just hang onto it until you are sure. I have learned that once I put something in the pile to donate or sell, I actually start to get antsy to get it out of the house! Letting go of many beautiful things I loved over the years has taught me that there are very few things I regret donating or selling, and I will always find new things that delight.
If you needed it, I hope this post offers some encouragement if you’re doing some spring cleaning as well…
17 Responses
My late sister told me that if you put it away after doubt and think the same after a month, half a year, or a year, keep it. If you don’t miss it or need it and forget all about it, it can be a surprise (like your jeans) or an ‘oh, do I still have that?’ In the last case, you can get rid of it. It made me a sober human. Until I gave birth to hamster kids, my kids wanted to keep all, the opposite of me. Oy.
Great advice! Thank you!
Neither my brother nor I have children. We are the end of the line on one side of my family. No close cousins, etc. My mother was an only child who ended up with LOTS of stuff from her parents and from an aunt who had no children. Everyone was a Depression-era baby … which means, they kept EVERYTHING! My mother (84) still cannot understand why I hesitate to take anything with family history unless I absolutely love it and will use it. What will I do with that vase/dish/whatever? I have no where to display it; I will not use it. Why would I store it in a plastic bin in the basement just to say “I have it?” In ten years, when I need to downsize to move to the retirement community, I’ll have to throw it away because there is no one who wants these things. It sounds harsh, but it’s true. We all have too many things. (And having said that, I’m going home after work and purge some bookshelves! Thanks for the push, Marian!)
That is totally how I feel about family things. I used to feel like I had to keep everything, but now I just keep what is special to me or things I really love and will use. Just because someone I loved once owned it isn’t a good enough reason to keep it.
I’m in the same boat as you, Lee Ann. I lost a sister at a young age, she was 46, and as I was helping with her care, she said to me “all this means nothing” pointing to bookshelves of things that she had collected. Lesson learned for me at the time!! Although I do have some things I cherish, no one will know the meaning of them when I am gone. Things, stuff, collections end up at yard sales, estate sales, etc. I have told a younger sibling if he has to go through my stuff at least get a decent price at the yard sale for my All Clad and Le Creuset pans!
On a lighter note, one thing I tell my husband about the stuff he keeps “because he may need it” “you’re taking up $100 worth of space for your 50 cent item”.
Great advice and love your blog. I find I collect more stuff than I should every time I go antique thrifting! Since you are decluttering and down-sizing, would you happen to be selling any Ironstone online?
I actually sold my ironstone locally since it’s tricky to ship, but I’ve set aside a few things to sell online.
I have things from my parents, grandparents and great-grandparents that I use on a regular or semi-regular basis, but also just for special occasions. But I also have every pay stub from every pension check my dad ever got; my mom kept good records! Why do I keep them? I just don’t know…
I’m curious about something. Are you going through the house and just purging your things/collections? What about your husband and children? Do they have any say in the matter, or do you have free reign about what to let go of? Do your husband and children do their own purging at your urging?
In our house, we aren’t collecting anymore. We have enough, and we love everything we have. It’s time to organize the closets and see what’s in there. I hope we need it all!
Thank you for your advice about how to think about getting rid of stuff. That was helpful.
I’m primarily working on areas that are under my domain, but I offer my help and encouragement to Jeff and the boys. None of them are enthusiastic about organizing, and none of them are big keepers. I use the bin method with the boys pretty regularly. They can choose items to get out of their room, and we’ll keep them in a bin in the basement until they feel ready to go through it and get rid of things.
In the blog posts, I’m writing about my own experience and how I made decisions about organizing things that no one else really cares about! 😂 Of course, when it’s stuff in their closets/rooms/domain, we work together.
That’s great to hear. Thanks!
I just copied and printed this to have near me as a reminder that I have to get rid of so many things as I am the family holder of all the favorite possessions. Thank you for this. I guess I keep hoping that these beautiful items will come back in favor.
I am hopelessly nostalgic when it comes to inherited pieces or things I have had for many years. Thoughts that help me curate my collections (I prefer curate rather than declutter) is to remember that my family members might not have applied the same significance to certain items that I am. When someone you love passes away, it is easy to become attached to everything they touched, even things they were not particularly attached to themselves. I imagine them saying, “Why are you keeping that?” I try to keep the things I truly love and that I have memories of that family member using and loving, too. Also, as a grateful recipient of wonderful things via estate sales and thrift shops over the years, I realize that anyone buying my things one day is doing so because they love them and will give them a good home. Perhaps it’s the secondhand full circle philosophy – what good things I have received, I will one day provide that same experience to someone else. It helps with feelings of, “No one will appreciate this as much as I do!” Thanks for the encouragement and providing food for thought!
Dawn, I love your idea that by consigning something to a thrift shop, you are passing along the joy. Thank you for sharing that thought; it makes so much sense!
hi marion. l am going to remember and share with everyone the message at the end of your first book – inspired you. the message was that in the end it just all stuff. let us all try to think about that as we accummulate material things.
I still think that Marie Kondo’s advice about whether something “sparks joy” is quite relevant. (From what I understand, that’s not a good translation, and the Japanese word is more of a sense of wellbeing and happiness, not “joy”.) When you think about it, even practical items can “spark joy”, because without a broom your house will get dirty which makes you unhappy…. but maybe that broom doesn’t actually spark joy because the handle keeps falling off and so asking the question makes you realize that you actually prefer your dust mop and can get rid of the broom!
Your space is looking lovely, by the way. I’m enjoying reading about your process.
This is such a powerful quote: “The truth is that things aren’t truly loved if they are packed away in a box. In recent years, I have started asking myself if I can interact with those items in a meaningful way. In most cases, I can’t or simply don’t.”
Wow! Thank you.