I decided I would take a few days off from posting here on the blog next week to be gentle with myself. I have some due dates for other work projects fast approaching, and I need to acknowledge that it’s okay to set a few things aside so I can get the work done while still having margin. I knew losing Sebastian would be sad, but it’s affected me more than I anticipated. I think a part of it is that I’ve had a lot of other small personal things pop up from strange symptoms that required a biopsy and ultrasound (everything is normal), a summer cold that had me in bed for a few days, followed by an allergic reaction from either insect bites or a toxic plant on my arms that are now infected. It’s like the old balancing game, Block Head. I kept stacking oddly-shaped pieces, trying to keep the growing tower upright, and losing Sebastian was the final piece that made everything collapse.
And that’s okay. It’s okay to let some pieces fall now and then, knowing that most things can sit in disarray for a little while before they need to be picked up again. So, I’ll take a few days to focus on input instead of output. I’ll give myself some time to read, to paint, and to play creatively, around some necessary work.
Before I sign off for a few days, here are my four things: Good Dog, a happy dog movie, a perk of my job, and the biggest commission. This is a special dog-centered Four Things in honor of Sebastian. I also included a list of his nicknames for a little levity.
what I’m reading
I have a few books on dogs in art and the history of dog portraiture, but the book I’m going to recommend today is Good Dog: A Collection of Portraits. This is a coffee table-style book of dog portraits and, as you would imagine, the photography is excellent.
I purchased this book a couple of years ago as a reference to familiarize myself with more dog breeds and also to use for practice sketches. I have been painting all sorts of pets, including horses, cows, and cats, but dogs outnumber the others by far. I thought it was important to study dog breed faces so I can portray them more accurately in paintings, especially when I’m working from a poor-quality photo.
what I’m watching
I was trying to think of my favorite dog movie, and found it to be a tricky one because dog movies typically have sad endings. Old Yeller and Where the Red Fern Grows wrecked me as a kid! As I pondered happy dog movies, the one that popped into my head surprised me. It’s the Disney movie, Bolt. Not only is it a wonderful dog movie, but it is so delightfully creative. If you’ve never seen it, give your inner child an afternoon to watch an animated movie that is funny and heartwarming. My boys and I still watch it together now and then, even though they are both young men.
what I’m loving
I love that the nature of my creative work means I’ve had a camera at the ready for over a decade. Even before I had a smartphone, I always had a film camera, and later, a DSLR camera, to capture life’s moments and my work. For that reason, I don’t have any regrets about not having great photos of Sebastian. I have hundreds of pictures of him being cute, funny, handsome, or just roaming into a styled shot. He’s been in magazines and my book, Feels Like Home. He’s even in several of my YouTube videos and archived Instagram Stories. He was always right in the mix, and we have a good record of that to look back on when some of the memories start to fade.
I took this photo to test out a new lens earlier this year…
what I’m working on
A few weeks ago, I received my largest commissioned painting project. It’s a grouping of five paintings, including three portraits that are 16 x 20 inches or larger. The request was such an honor, and I’ll share more about it when I’m given the green light, but it’s been a challenging and rewarding project so far. I worked on one of the dog paintings yesterday and found it to be therapeutic. I’m preserving precious pets for someone else as I’m grieving the loss of mine. I have completed three out of five, so I’m over halfway there.
And I want to say a special thank you for all of your kind words and for crying with us about Sebastian. We have done our best to balance the tears with laughter, so I’d like to offer the same to you. As most great pets do, Sebastian had a long list of nicknames, so I thought I would share a few…
Seb, when brevity was required.
Se-bad-stian, when he chewed a nice shoe in his younger years.
Sebastianator, which became simply Bastianator, B-Nator, or B-Nate.
The Big Bastian Boy or Triple-B or Triple.
Se-bust-ian or Se-gas-tian, when he was gassy.
The Big Man, because he was so big.
The Good Boy, because he was so good.
And Se-best-ian, because he truly was the best.
What have you been reading, watching, loving, and working on this week?
25 Responses
He was the best! We will greatly miss him. What a wonderful boy he was.
Love the nicknames your family had for Sebastian! Give yourself some grace and time to step away for a while and take care of yourself and family as you process things.
I think we dog lovers have fallen in love with Sebastian too. Now I wish we had gotten to know more about him over the years. I know your hearts hurt and ours hurt along with you. God bless.
It is very sad to lose a beloved animal i have lost three dogs and one cat in the last fifteen years.
I said no more animals for me but last July 4th a Mama cat showed up with two babies my granddaughter took one kitten.
But I have Mama Hissy and Babee outside cats I live in the country and of course I am attached to them.
The hardest thing of all was losing my only son last February and trying to heal my broken heart but with the help of my Jesus it will.
He will be with you forever. He will come around and you will feel him, let him know that you know he’s there. My heart is sad with you.
You do NOT know how sad you will be until you are. Lasts forever.
Yes, it does.
Love the nick names! You and your family honored him so well and gave him such a good life. Pets must be on my mind after reading all the comments because I just thought I saw my beloved cat, Rudy, sitting on a chair in my bedroom. Rudy died last year.
I’m glad you are taking time for yourself. Acknowledging the loss and grief is part of the process. Pets are family members. It is a loss, but sounds like you have some wonderful memories. Take care.
Not only have I grieved over the loss of my own dog but also the loss of my grown children’s pups. I traveled to Boston to take care of my son’s pup many times while they traveled and my daughter’s good boy stayed with us for a period of time. They become like children to most of us. Love to you and your family in the next days because it does take time.
I’ve read that the one thing everyone should take is magnesium. It works wonders for me. So, if you don’t take it, you may want to research it.
Beautiful, beautiful oil painting of him!!! You captured him perfectly.
I don’t think the memories fade. I think they only get stronger, and the sadness becomes a little less over time, but almost three years later, if I linger too long on a memory, I start crying.
When I think of what I lost, I try to remember what my Moby gave me. As I sobbed uncontrollably at his passing, I clearly heard God say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” No one ever loved me like he did, and he was the perfect gift and living example of what God’s unconditional love looks like in action. He showed me I want to love like that.
He left a great big hole in my heart and I stopped my watercolor painting for over a year as I grieved for him. I realized creativity takes a lot of energy, and so does grieving. And for a while, I only had enough energy for grieving. But I gave myself time and grace, and time does heal.
So very sorry for your loss and feeling your pain.
I’m a dog person. I have grieved greatly each time one passed over the rainbow Bridge. When my previous dog, Barkley, passed I was determined to get my next friend right away. So 2 days later. Turns out to be the best decision ever. My focus turned from grief to acclimating my new dog, Bandit. I certainly missed Barkley but the grief was SO much less. If you’re considering a new companion, do it sooner than later. You won’t be sorry.
We did that too as a rare opportunity to get a AKC Golden Retriever at a very good price fell on my lap. It helped the progression of grief immensely.
So sorry to hear about Sebastian, losing a fur baby is so very hard. He was a lucky boy to have a such a good home & family!
Dear Parson family,
I am so sorry to hear of the news of Sebastian’s passing. He sure was a cutie! He always seemed to go with the flow…..photo shoots, posing, photo bombing, kids, walks and 2 new kitties to the family. You will always miss him because he left a paw print on your heart.
Marian, your oil painting of him is beautiful. Yes, I agree you deserve to take some time for yourself. To grieve, to heal and to clear your head.
Marian I think you would love the movie Arthur the king. It is a great dog movie and a true story. I loved it. I believe it is on prime . Mark Walberg is the lead actor. I’m so sorry for your loss. Dogs teach us unconditional love . Sending warm hugs 🤗
I’m so sorry about the loss of Sebastian. Please accept my condolences. Losing a pet is truly devastating. I hope you and your family can grieve and treasure the memories.
Oh Marian, I cried so hard yesterday I couldn’t even comment. I was doing better today until your last line then I was done in again. Too many reminders of my own experiences as well as feeling for you and your family.
I was saddened yesterday when I read your beautiful story about Sebastian’s passing. I shed a few tears as I read how you helped him and loved him at the end and your many wonderful memories about what a wonderful dog he was. I do hope that you enjoy your time off to slow down a bit.
My heart hurts for your loss. Over the years of having many dogs, I’ve lost many. Each loss seemed to hurt more than the last. Sebastian was truly a beautiful fur-kid dog. He gave your family good vibes and challenging ones at times. My condolences for your loss of your family member. He will definitely be missed.
Marian, I was not able to send an email yesterday. Your Sebastian was so loved by you and your family and I know you are all feeling the loss of such a wonderful and precious dog. It is never easy to have a beloved pet go to “Doggie Heaven”. How nice it was that you were all able to spend your time just loving on your precious Sebastian before he passed. This, although so very heart breaking, was so good for you and your precious Sebastian. He knew how much you all loved him! We have kept you and your family in our prayers and have asked God to comfort your aching hearts. Your memories of Sebastian will only grow more precious as the days go by.
You do him honor. The portrait is incredible.
I am glad you are going to take some time off – grieving is intense and it is important to be kind to oneself. To be completely honest/transparent? When I lost my Romeo kitty – my dearest friend of all time – years ago! I grieved so hard and so intensely that I couldn’t get another kitty. I am typing this crying all over again about how he left a giant gaping hole in my heart. I cry for losing him, and for you losing The Good Boy, and for all who hurt so deeply when their precious furry families go across the Rainbow Bridge. Sigh.
You are a wise woman to take the time to grieve without the burden of trying to give from an empty well. God bless you as you allow the Comforter to ease your pain and enable you to encourage your men. Do what gives you peace. We’ll be waiting until you are ready. Sending love and prayers!💗
So sorry about your sweet fur boy passing. :/
My son was at a camp two years ago and endured blister beetles up and down his legs.
Hope you find healing (in all the ways!) as you rest and take time.
Thank you for sharing.
I teared up all over again seeing his portrait and photos, but then smiled at this nick names. He was so loved, and that is what will carry you through. You loved him, you created a home for him, you gave him your heart and he gave all that back, and more. We pay a very high price for loving a dog, but we’d pay a much higher one not having one. Our lives would be far less rich, and far less happy. I have the Good Dog book, it’s one of my favorites. I have several dog books, and always purchase those that show Street Dogs and Senior Dogs and Shelter Dogs. Dogs are a big part of my life, always have been. I spent a great deal of my professional life in animal welfare, ( shelters and rescue and law enforcement) along with dog training, so my home is filled with written testament to them, as well as dogs in art. You deserve some time to mourn this huge loss.